


underground diaries

by AntiSocialBatman



Category: One Direction (Band)
Genre: Louis thinks he's a lost boy but Harry is just as lost, M/M, but in the end Louis is more lost than he thought, oh and there's a kitten, so they're cute together in New York City
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2014-08-15
Updated: 2014-12-14
Packaged: 2018-02-13 05:06:31
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 18
Words: 28,198
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/2138076
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/AntiSocialBatman/pseuds/AntiSocialBatman
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Everyone has been in that situation. Walking down the street, sitting on public transit, as you do; and a cute stranger catches your eye. You either stare or try not to, either way, you notice them in hopes of them noticing you back.</p>
<p>Lucky enough for Louis, the good looking boy that he spotted every morning on the way to work saw him too.</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. November 23, Wednesday

I was on my way to work around nine in the morning; tardy as usual. Eh, being on time never really meant much to me. (My boss is also my best friend so he doesn't care.) I hate the busy New York streets sometimes but now they're a part of me. I love to hate it, I hate to love it, whatever you prefer. My shitty flat isn't far from the station, thank goodness. I brush past hundreds of people on the street, every morning, probably. After the first six months of getting accustomed to the area I stopped apologizing unless the causality was large.

Once I step into the station, I feel strangely insignificant. Hundreds, maybe thousands of people are here at once, going on their own journeys and what not. And I'm part of that, yet I'm so...small. It's weird to think about it I guess. My music is blaring in my ears but I feel like I can hear every conversation, every note being plucked on the guitar placed on the old man’s lap, I feel like I can hear each train arriving but really Green Day is all I'm listening to. I navigate my way to my train after paying my fair. The lady at the booth was either done with everything or was just given a very unfortunate lot in life in the looks department. I decided a smile might cheer her up but I guess not. Oh well.

My train is always full for the first three stops, and then almost everyone gets off. I take it for 7 stops. Only ever once, have I fallen asleep and went two stops over. Once. I seat myself down after the train empties out, there are finally vacant seats and only about 10 people are now left on.

One woman has twins in the stroller, maybe they're going for a day out... I would hope not in this cold but hey, they're her kids. They're cute though, little dark curls flying all over the place and big brown eyes. I never liked kids but these ones are cute, I will admit.

There are a few people obviously on their way to work with the boring briefcases and boring slacks and dress shirts. I laugh at them because on top of being miserable office people they have to dress up. If I'm miserable, I can show up to work looking miserable too. No dress codes for the win. I think I might recognize some people that work in the same building as me but I don't bother saying hi. Nothing personal, really.

There's some interestingly dressed boy with a duffel bag slung over his shoulder standing up by the doors. He has aviators on and skinny black jeans, all ripped up, paired by a hoodie, and I only pay so much attention to him because of his behavior. He's listening to music and bobbing his head to it, in quite a lively manner too. I try not to stare but it's hard, it's funny watching him get into it. Hey, if I'm being honest, I'm kinda jealous I don't have the balls to even mouth the lyrics to my music in public. I admire him, and thank him for giving me a good laugh first thing in the morning.

Oh shit, maybe I was staring too hard. Even though he's wearing sunglasses, I know we made eye contact because he starts blushing like crazy, and smiles sheepishly. I feel horrible, I smile though. The poor kid tries to tone it down, yet I find myself laughing again.


	2. November 24, Thursday

Yesterday at work was slow and there was nothing to do so I got home earlier. I probably shouldn't of had watched almost all of Orange is the New Black last night. It's a brilliant show, I must admit. I'm hooked and I am not ashamed. It's ruining my life though, I didn't sleep until 3 which I regret because I had a meeting at eight this morning. I actually had to drag my ass out of bed to get ready and head out.

I'm dying a little on the inside because I unfortunately have to put some effort in what I wear today. The big bosses come in once a month and check to see how all the projects are going. Big companies have their perks but when deadlines get close, everyone's hair is falling out. I especially feel bad for Liam, my friend/boss. He does well under pressure but I can tell he hates the stress. I should take him out drinking once this project is done. Yeah. 

I do my usual morning routine, grab some coffee to wake me up, and then make my way to the station. And lovely, it's Thursday! Just one more day until the weekend. It's a stupid reason to rejoice because the weekend is just two days away from Monday but you know, look forward to the little things in life. It's enough to keep me going. And I'm making good timing so far, I don't think I'll be late.

I make my way past through the sea of strangers and I'm quite proud because I managed not to push anyone today. Hooray.

I hop on the subway and stand by the door; it's still too busy for me to sit down. I don't mind because in about 15 minutes I get myself a nice, not so comfy seat but it's better than being on my feet for half an hour. I feel like I'm being looked at strangely too. I'm not used to wearing slacks and a dress shirt. Even my jacket is dressier than what I usually wear. I wonder if maybe I'm traveling with the same people every day and they take note, wondering what the hell I'm doing looking like this. Or maybe they can sense I'm not in my comfort zone. Whatever the case I'm just praying I look okay.

I keep my hands in the jacket of my pocket because it's cold and there is no way in hell I'm getting pick pocketed today. Thank goodness the last guy who tried it was drunk out of his mind and I stopped him. I've learned my lesson since then.

The subway empties and I feel like I can finally breathe. I shimmy my way over to an empty seat and look over the people on the bus. The faces have changed from yesterday, maybe one or two people are the same. But the mom with the twins is gone, the old man I saw in the end of the train is gone, and the head bobbing music lover wasn't there either. Which makes sense, because I am on earlier than I was yesterday. I guess I'll deal without my cute little entertainer today.

##

Guess who's an idiot? That's right, me. This guy. With the two thumbs or whatever. Moi. Louis. The meeting is tomorrow. I forced myself out of bed to be on time for once, and for nothing. It's tomorrow. Friday. Not today but the day after. The future. Mañana.

I'm so mad.

And it's the stupid interns fault. Of-fucking-course. He wrote me a note and said the meeting was on the 24th so I blame him. I mean, I wasn't _angry_ at him or anything...I just made him drive me home. It's only a twenty minute drive so it's not bad, but at this point I don't care. He's driving me home and I'm getting my extra sleep. Liam said I could come in whenever I want today, god bless his soul.

##

After my hour and a half of slumber, I'm still grumpy but I'm feeling somewhat refreshed, and now I'm just happy I don't have to wear that monkey suit. Unfortunately I couldn't sleep much longer because the construction outside was too loud. I throw on some jeans and a hoodie, grab another drink from Starbucks and then hop on the subway again. It's only nine thirty so maybe I'll be with the same crowd as yesterday. Who knows?

I think that's the beauty of taking the train. I talk about it a lot because I find it fascinating; I know, total geek. But it is when you think about it. You could be taking the same route with all the same stops and transfers at all the same stations, with someone you've never met or ever will meet! You never know. And this could go on for years. The weirdest part is that you see so many people. Some you see more than others, and you notice things about them. You see how they fidget with the newspaper while they wait or how they constantly touch the brim of their hat or that they have a staring problem. Meanwhile others are just a face in the crowd. In the end, they are all strangers.

But they see you, too. As much as I study other people, I never really stopped to realize, hey, someone could be thinking the exact same thing as me. I'm guilty of spotting a fit guy on a train and thinking about him in certain ways... Hey, we all do. I just think that the weirdest part about it is that someone could've been thinking up the same things about me in their head because they think I'm cute. I mean, in theory. I highly doubt it about me anyways.

But speaking of cute, the guy that was jamming out to his music from yesterday just hopped on. He doesn’t have his aviators today, but he is wearing a beanie. He walks on to the train and stands in front the door across from me. So he gets on at the stop everyone else gets off at. I make mental note of this as I pull out my phone to check the time. It’s quarter to ten and although I don’t have to be in at a certain time, I’m making my way there okay. After putting my phone back into my pocket I look up to see the boy looking at me. I give him a small smile, and he grins back at me. I never really saw what everyone liked in dimples but this guy works them.

Today he has a guitar case on his back, and the same green duffel bag falls to his side. Wonder where he works.

This is strange, because it should be the other way around, but now that he’s got a beanie on, I see how his hair has a bit of curl. The front is pulled back and a couple curly wisps fly out from the side. I feel weird staring so I find my way to a seat as the subway leaves the station. Four more stops to go.

A very loud old man got on and I watched him bug a random bloke around my age. I couldn’t help but laugh because he is trying to be polite but he is obviously annoyed. I hear another voice laughing and look in front of me to find the source. The kid with the guitar case is still standing up by the door, and his large hand is covering his mouth as he laughs. He is too adorable. Now I’m not only smiling at the persistent old man but also at this guy who has captured my attention. I’m intrigued.

He looks over at me again and I smile bigger this time, he blushes and fidgets with the strap of his duffel bag. He looks back at me and I nod and look over to the seat across from me, motioning for him to sit down. He makes his way over and pulls the guitar bag from his back and places it between his lanky legs as he seats himself. The duffel bag is on the seat beside him and the boy continues to look at the floor, trying to avoid eye contact with me. I lean forward and point to the guitar case he has.

“You play?”

“Uh, a little, yeah,” he answers. His voice is deep and he hesitates when he speaks, even with the little words he spoke. I nod he starts fidgeting with the zipper of the case.

“Play something for us, let the transit system of New York hear you,” I joke and he covers his mouth with his hand again as he laughs. “Hey, you don’t have to do that.” He looks at me strangely but then realizes what I meant by it. His hand slowly moves from his face and he flashes a small smirk. Damn, I want to see this boy smile from ear to ear, I want to catch him squinty eyed and wide mouthed, laughing loudly at a joke and not caring how he looks as he does.

“I will not play for this entire train,” he says light-heartedly, trying not to smile too much.

“Play for me, then.”

“Maybe one day I will.” He took a moment before he answered but something makes me hopes he was serious, that his voice was promising instead of teasing. We arrived at the next station and before I realized he was standing up by the door. He left, and I felt a little bit of happiness inside me all day.


	3. November 25, Friday

November 25, Friday

The meeting went better than expected. Every team was on track with their project and all was going well. The big bosses were happy with everything and I could give two shits. I’m just happy I keep a change of clothes here because these dressy clothes are too much for me.

I’m in the locker room, pulling a t-shirt from my locker when Liam comes in and grabs the shirt from my hand. “What the hell, Li? I want to change!”

“Sorry man, but stay in those clothes. Mark is treating a few of us to lunch.” Damn those guys, honestly. They don’t have to take us anywhere. They came, they swiped their metaphorical finger across everything to make sure there wasn't dust and now they can go. Leave. I mean, free lunch is great but I don’t want to look at his fake corporate ass on my lunch break. And now I can’t put on my happy clothes until after lunch. Damn those guys.

Liam sees I’m obviously distressed and pats my back. “I’ll sit beside you the whole time if it makes you feel any better, honey,” he mocks and I give him a fake smile, rolling my eyes.

“Let’s go,” he laughs. “Mark is waiting downstairs. It’s only three other people and you tolerate them all, it won’t be too bad. Don’t worry Lou.” We make our way downstairs and I decide to put on a happy front for the next hour. It works I guess, and really it's because Liam is the only one keeping me sane.

##

Zayn the lazy intern had something better to do with his time apparently, so I can’t get a ride home with him tonight. I don’t mind. The subway is interesting at later hours anyways. I walk down to the station and get onto my train. I’m really too tired to look at people and study them right now, I just try not to have a narcoleptic episode in the middle of the platform. Thank God there aren't a lot of people on the subway because now I can go and sit down right away. I plop myself down on a seat, sitting in the corner closer to the window. I've always loved the window view on the subway!.. Yeah. I’m tired.

I’m just about to doze off when I feel two hands on my face. Oh my god, this is it. I’m gonna get jumped or something. That’s it, and now I’m freaking out and I don’t know what to do because I am half asleep and now two random hands are covering my eyes and I don’t know what the hell to do. I stand up quickly and jut my elbow behind me, in hopes of hitting whoever the hell that was. The hands immediately drop from my face and I hear an Ouf! from behind me. I turn around and oh shit.

“Are you alright?” I grab the poor kid’s shoulders; it’s the reoccurring cute guitar guy. Now I feel horrible, he’s grabbing his side and he’s hunched over.

“Y-Yeah, I’ll be okay,” he breathed out. “Just, let me sit down.” I help him take the guitar from his back and he roughly drops down on the seat. “I’m okay, now I’m okay.”

“I’m so sorry,” I don’t know why but I start chuckling at the poor guy. He gives me a somewhat confused yet angry look, pouting his lips and furrowing his brows. “I mean, I feel bad for hurting you. But you can’t sneak up on a guy like that on a subway in New York.”

“You’ve got a point. Sorry, but I just saw you and like, I thought it would be uh, cute or like fun and well yeah, I’m sorry,” he stammers on and I start laughing. “You’re new here, I guess? Obviously you haven’t quite learned proper transit etiquette.” He shakes his head and smiles, some of his curls bouncing.

“You’ve got an accent,” he notes. “You must be new here, too then. Where are you from-?”

“Louis,” I offer, kind of forgot we didn’t have a proper introduction. “Harry,” he says. “It’s nice to meet you, Harry,” I smile at him, extending my hand towards him. He shakes it and says “nice to meet you, too, Louis.” And I don’t mind that his hand was there longer than necessary.

“I’m from England, as you can tell. Doncaster to be specific. I came here for school and then I got a job in a big computer company. Nothing special really.” He nods but then frowns at my last words. He looks at me with a very serious expression, and his light green eyes turned a weird shade. “Don’t ever say what you do isn't special. Ever.” I’m a bit surprised at his what he says but I take note of it nonetheless.

“What’s a little lost looking boy like you doing in the big city?” I tease and he pushes my shoulder gently.

“I uh, I work in a community center I guess you could say. I’m looking for a job and a new roommate actually. Rent is getting expensive in my apartment and I’m not getting paid enough, so yeah...” he plays with his fingers as he explains this to me and I feel bad for the kid.

“Well you don’t seem like a bad guy, I’m sure things will turn out for you,” I say with a smile, giving him a gentle pat on the back. The corners of his mouth turn up slightly but quickly go back down; I guess he’s pretty torn about it. I try to lighten the mood though. I take advantage of the man who comes on the train, singing loudly like no one is around. I can’t even make out what he’s saying. See what I mean when I say the subway is more interesting at night?

I nudge Harry and he looks at me, I tell him to look over to the left where the guy is singing, now even louder and more soulful. His long hair is swinging as he sways side to side, dancing to whatever music is in his head. Harry giggles and the sound is like music to my ears. I look at him as he watches the man; I think his reaction is better than the actual happening. His eyes crinkle a little bit and his mouth is kind of big but he has a beautiful smile, straight teeth and the dimples! He is seriously attractive but I think he realizes my eyes are on him because his hand finds his way to his mouth once more. I put my hand on his, bringing it down.

“No need to do that, babe.” He looks at me, wide eyed. I can’t tell if he’s surprised or what but I try to offer him a warm look to ease him up. My hand is still over his, and he flips his around to give my hand a squeeze. I like the feeling, I kind of feel that electricity, that spark people are always writing about in stories. And it's nice. I could get used to Harry's hand in mine. 

We end up getting off at the same station. I don't bother pointing out that he got on three stations after I do, and maybe he was supposed to get off three stations before me. We slowly walk out together, me carrying his duffel bag for him because he thinks I might drop his precious guitar. 

"Where ya headed to?" I ask. He looks around the block as if he's trying to figure out his surroundings, then he looks back at me with his lips puckered out, and I can't help but laugh. He breaks into a smile and shrugs, "I don't know. Wherever the night takes me," he winks and starts walking to cross the street. I follow him and don't say anything. 

We end up in front of a little Chinese restaurant. Harry looks at me with raised eyebrows, "do you like Chinese?"

"I had it for lunch today, so I'll have to take a rain check. Sorry."

"No worries, Louis, my British companion!" He teases and I just roll my eyes at him. "What're you in the mood for? I'm starving, so I'm down for whatever." I like his spontaneity, it's rare to find nowadays. 

"I have a brilliant idea. But your going to have to trust me with your guitar for a bit," I say carefully, and Harry looks at me as if he was about to hand off his child to a sketchy babysitter. He slowly takes the guitar off his back, sighing, and hands it to me. "Don't. Hurt. Her," I do feel a bit threatened so I handle "her" with extra care. 

"Now what's your genius idea, Tomlinson?" 

"Wait how you do you know my last name?"

"I saw it on your ID card hanging from your jeans. I'm quite observant," he smirks and that look just might be all I need from now on. 

"Well Harry, I'm afraid I'm going to need your last name now, it's only fair."

"Styles," he simply says. Styles. Hm. "I've never heard it before, but nice. I'll keep that in mind. Anyways, here's how we're going to decide on dinner. This place has restaurants and food trucks every other place you look, right? So we play a little game called Spin the Harry. You spin around 8 times, with your hand pointed in front of you, and wherever you point to is where we dine tonight. Sound good?"

"That's actually a really good idea, but can I spin nine times instead?" 

"Uh, sure whatever you like, Styles," he grins and gives me a thumbs up, saying he'll explain later. Harry walks out to the island of the road, and I'm praying he doesn't lose balance and falls. I mean, I'm here if anything happens but I just met the kid and all. I don't want him injured twice because of me on our second encounter. 

He spins around, counting out loud and people are looking at him like he's crazy, one guy even honks at him. I'm trying not to drop to the ground with laughter because I'm with Harry's guitar but I really wish I had got this recorded. This totally makes up for the bull shit big bosses today. I'm pretty copacetic right now. 

Harry reaches nine and stops, almost falling over. He regains his balance and opens his eyes wide, then squinting to see where he pointed. He jogs across the street and back over to me, pouting. It's the most adorable thing I've ever seen. 

"What's wrong Harry?"

"I landed at McDonald's. I'm sorry I couldn't pick some place better," he rubs his left arm which is shoved into the pocket of his jeans. He lets out a sigh and the I can see his breath in the cold November air. 

"Hey don't worry about it, that's the fun in this game!" He grins a bit and I give him back his guitar. "Now let get some Big Macs and super sized fries cause I think I'm just as hungry as you."

##

The McDonald's is run down, but it's a sight you get used to after a while. We get our food and find a booth in the back, where it's quiet and no one is really around for us to be bothered with. Harry places his stuff down towards the wall and leans on his duffel bag, extending his legs on the seat of the booth. He's got pretty long legs. I watch him as he grabs his burger and places it carefully on his lap. 

"Are you gonna watch me eat my food or are you gonna actually have yours?" He asks without looking at me, and I feel my cheeks redden as I grab my fries from the bag. Harry taught me a really cool trick with the ketchup cups; you have to kind of unfold them and make them wider, that way you get more ketchup. 

"You're weird for starting with the fries first," he says with a mouthful of Big Mac. He has a little sauce on the corner of his mouth, but I don't tell him because I wanna see how long it will take for him to realize. 

"You're weird for starting with the burger. Speaking of weird, you said you'd explain why you wanted to spin nine times instead. OCD tendencies?" I ask, pointing a fry at him. He finishes his bite and places the burger on the tray instead of his lap. Then he sits facing me, sauce still on the corner of his mouth. 

"It's not OCD. I'll tell you why, just promise not to laugh, okay?" I nod and he sits back a bit, picking at his fries in the ketchup cup. "I have this weird thing with numbers. Like, everyone has their favorite number or whatever, and so I do. But I... How do I put this... I give them, personalities, for lack of a better word. I like to think of each number a certain way. My favorite number happens to be nine. I don't like the numbers 4, 6, and 8. 4 is geeky, although there's nothing wrong with that, its just not the fun type of geek. The annoying one. 

"6 is the wannabe and never does anything right. 8 is a snob and thinks it's the shit, when really no one likes 8 and thinks it's stupid. Sometimes I like the number two but other times it gets on my nerves. It's purely coincidental that they are all even numbers... And that's why I chose to spin nine times instead of eight."

Harry finishes and munches on a fry, and I watch him carefully. And oops, I guess I can't control it. I burst into laughter for the hundredth time today and Harry frowns and crosses his arms. "You promised you wouldn't laugh, Louis." 

"I'm not," I manage to say. "I'm not, I swear I'm not laughing at you. That's actually the cutest thing I've ever heard and so far my favorite out look on numbers. I'm glad you think like that. It shows a lot about your personality, and I like it," I say honestly, and quick to defend myself. Harry's face softens but he goes back into a frown. 

"Why did you laugh then?" I picked up a napkin from the tray, seeing as Harry wouldn't figure it out anytime soon. I grab it and reach over across the table, Harry watches my every move but stays still, following me with his eyes and eases up once I wipe his mouth. "I'm such an idiot," he mumbles into his hands once I move the napkin away. 

"I'm a douche bag though. The sauce was there for a while and I just wanted to see how long it would take you to realize it was there. That's why I was laughing. You looked so into what you were talking about but the sauce was there and I'm sorry love," I apologize but I start laughing again, just to have French fries thrown at me. I can tell Harry is fighting a smile, so I throw one of my fries back at him and it gets stuck in his hair, causing us both to burst out laughing. 

The sound of giggles slowly stops and we calm down, finding our breath. He looks at me and I look back at him, forgetting that I've only known him for a few hours really. His eyes seem so familiar and his presence doesn't feel new. It's natural. 

"I'm going to call you bright eyes," I blurt randomly. The comment must take Harry by surprise but he doesn't show it too much. He raises both eyebrows and tilts his head to the side, as if asking me to repeat it or explain. 

"Bright eyes, yeah. Your eyes are a very interesting shade of green, sometimes they look blue and sometimes they look like an empty color but they're always bright. There's always a spark in your eye and I don't ever want to see it go out."


	4. November 28, Monday

I've decided that my 'on time' will be 10 from now on, instead of the normal nine. Liam understands and I work overtime to compensate for it, so it's really no big deal. 

I also figured this increases my chances to see Harry on the train every morning. I've been pretty lucky since last week to see him but this is the big city and what are the odds, right? You can never be too sure of anything. 

Especially when you don't have someone's number. 

I can't believe I spent all Friday night with Harry and didn't get his number. Next time I see him I'll be sure to, I just have to remember. It's hard to recall things when I'm with Harry. Remembering includes bringing up things of the past and when I'm with him, all that matters is the present. The way he speaks and how he goes about life just makes you feel like you forgot who you were ten minutes ago because Harry has given you so much to think about. He's not just a pretty face, the kid has a lot of depth to him. I like that. 

Speaking of the curly headed devil, he walks onto the train and a wicked grin spills across his face the second we make eye contact. He's wearing dark blue jeans today instead of his normal black. I'm loving the Green Bay sweater he's got on too, although I'm sure the Giants would've been a better choice. Or do people really care that much? They shouldn't because Harry looks fucking hot. His hair is all over the place yet put together. Bed head but not quite and am i biting my lip and checking him out? Maybe I am. Sue me. 

"Morning, Lou," he says and shit his voice seems deeper, if that's even possible. He sounds like he just woke up and the way he rubs his eyes tells me I'm probably right. He's without guitar today, just duffel bag. 

"Good morning, bright eyes." He's holding onto the pole attached to the roof and he gives me a dopey smile as he hides his face in his arm. Did he drink some sort of potion that makes you more attractive over night? I mean the kids only 19 and he looks better than I probably ever will. 

"I still havent come up with a nickname for you," he says as he seats himself beside me. 

"Take your time, bud. It better be a good one, though."

"How can I come up with a good one when you already gave me the best?" 

##

I'm not quite sure how, but I find myself in Harry's apartment, sitting crossed legged on the floor petting the cat. He says it belongs to his roommate, but she likes Harry better. He comes out of the kitchen with two beers and a bowl of chips, then throws a package at me. I try to catch it but it ends up hitting my chest.

"What's this?" I ask Harry and he plops himself down beside me on the floor. "Twizzlers. I remember how much you said you like them so I picked some up for you. No big deal." Damn, he's thoughtful too. I smile and thank him, I really do love twizzlers. 

"What do you wanna do tonight?" He asks, and he has his arms wrapped around his legs and god he's adorable. "It's up to you, it's your apartment and all."

"Ah yes, that may be but you are the guest."

"Don't be so formal, Styles. Besides, I chose yesterday. It's your turn to pick something," I say that as if this is our normal banter and we've been friends for years who can never decide on anything together. 

"Well technically I chose yesterday but whatever," he winks and gets up from his spot, walking over to a big bookcase. "Monopoly?"

"No way, I've seen best friends end everything over that game, I've seen 3 divorces and 2 wars go down because of Monopoly. I've just met you, I don't want you hating me so quickly."

He laughs and shakes his head as he puts the game back onto the shelf. "That's fair, but I could never hate you, Lou. Come help me look for a game then."

##

I'm an elephant. I know I'm an elephant because I see the card on my headband in the reflection. There's the TV stand behind Harry and I can see my reflection. Silly boy didn't make sure there was no way to cheat before we started playing. Now, most people in my position would cheat and just blurt out what they are after about three questions. 

But I'm smarter than that. 

I ask all the normal questions to try and figure out what I am. Harry looks like a little kid, waiting in anticipation to see if I'll figure it out. He's sitting cross legged, rocking back and forth and biting his lip, he looks like he's ready to blurt out the answer for me. 

I decide to veer off as far as possible from the actual animal. The game takes longer this way, and Harry is getting frustrated that I'm not guessing elephant yet. "Can you wear me at a Christmas party?" I ask, trying my very best to hold my giggles back. Harry's face goes red and he falls backwards, letting out a loud ugh. 

"No! You're not a freaking piece of clothing! You should know this! I said your an animal and you're big and grey. What the hell, Louis?!" I chose my last question carefully, and I haven't broken my straight face either. 

"Has Ben Affleck directed one of my movies?" Harry lost it at this point and he tackles me to the ground, unexpected. I've lost it too, I'm almost in tears from laughing and I almost don't realize Harry is on top of me, pinning my hands above my head. He grabs the card from my headband and holds it in front of me. He has a very serious look on his face, and if I didn't know any better I'd be scared. 

"An elephant. You were an elephant, Louis. A freaking elephant."

"Oh, I know I was an elephant, babe. I saw myself in the reflection the whole time."

He looks at me in disbelief and drops the card on the table. He then shifts himself so he's now seated on my stomach. 

"Harry, you fat lard! Get off of me!" I protest but I can't help but giggle. Between the laughter and the angry boy on top of me I'm having trouble breathing but I don't care. I try tickling his sides to get him off and he pushes my hands away, trying not to smile. 

"Have you quite finished?" He asks and I sigh, deciding to give the poor kid a break. I put my hands up in surrender and he lifts himself up onto the couch. I sit up and lean over, damn he's hot when he's angry. Even though he's not really mad, I still find this adorable. 

"I'm sorry, Haz. Forgive me? You said you could never hate me right?" 

"I know, I don't hate you. You're just a pain in the ass." I smile and hop on the couch beside him. "Can we watch a movie?" I nod and he throws something up on Netflix. 

##

My head is on Harry's lap and one of his hands is on my head, the other one on my waist. I don't know how we ended up like this but I guess we both like to cuddle. I feel Harry's hand move through my hair, and I'm a sucker for that. I feel like a little puppy when people play with my hair like this. 

The credits start rolling but neither of us move to do anything. After a minute I turn on my back so I'm looking up at Harry. He's beautiful from every angle, oh god. He looks down at me and wipes some hair away from my forehead. 

"You have nice hair," he simply states. I thank him and he pokes my nose, I think I just melted from the simple gesture. I really like hanging out with him even if this is just the second time after we met. I think he feels the same, otherwise he wouldn't be here, right? 

##

His roommate comes home around two in the morning and I guess that's my cue to leave. 

"Text me when you're home," Harry says in a hushed tone as he leans up against the door post. I'm standing outside the apartment and I really don't wanna go, but his roommate was giving me dirty looks and I'd rather not piss him off. "Yeah I'll text you...but I don't have your number so it might be a little hard."

"Oh yeah, that would be hard to do," he pulls out his phone and I do as well, and we exchange numbers. I save his number under "Hazza" and he saves mine under "Lou". I give him a strange look because I'm just Lou in his phone, and yes, I might be catching a little bit of feelings. "I have yet to come up with the perfect nickname for you. Things like this take time, Louis."

"Fine, I'll give you that."

"I had fun tonight. We should do this again, maybe at yours instead? I'm sorry about my roomie..."

"Nah it's fine. Thanks again though, goodnight Harry."

"G'night Louis."


	5. December 2, Friday

I haven't seen Harry all week on the train. It's no big deal I guess. I mean, it wouldn't be if he replied to my text on Tuesday. When I got home monday night and texted him, he replied. Tuesday night I asked him if he wanted to hang out but he didn't reply then. I didn't think too much of it but I didn't see him Wednesday on the train. Or Thursday. I even took the train back home every night to double my chances of seeing him, but nothing. I mean, I didn't smother him with calls or anything either. Just the one from Tuesday. 

Oh god. 

Okay, I get worried easily. Growing up with a big family it's easy to think of every possible bad situation. Living in New York doesn't help either. I overthink and constantly ponder over every little thing that could go wrong in a scenario. So Harry not coming on the train, Harry not replying to my messages and Harry being amazing and awesome then disappearing makes me really sad and nervous. 

##

"You need to eat something. At least take a drink."

"Liam, I'm not hungry. I'll be fine."

"No you won't! Louis you showed up later than late, didn't say a word to anyone this morning and Zayn has even got more work done than you! What the hell is going on?" Liam has a point. I'm not a hundred percent today but I can't stop wondering about Harry. It's not healthy and it's affecting my world when it really shouldn't be. 

"I'm sorry," I sigh. "Just having an off day. Can you uh, send me the programs Zayn was working on and then the legal files for the Johnston project, please? That's pretty light, all I can work on right now without falling asleep or messing up," I manage to find the energy to give Liam a smile. He looks worried though, giving me his sad brown, puppy dog eyes. Geez this guys eyebrows are killing me. 

"Leeyum, buddy, dude, bro, boss man; I got this! Don't worry about me. Just let me get those things done and it'll all be okay. Okay?"

"Fine, but I'm making the intern get you lunch. You're gonna eat it," he says firmly but I just roll my eyes. He walks off and talks to Zayn, while I pull out what I need to actually start working. 

##

I'm happy it's Friday and I get to go home now, I finished everything in the office so I don't have to take anything home. Yay. 

Actually, no. I'm tired as fuck and whatever the hell stupid Zayn got me for lunch is killing my stomach. I need to get home fast because I'm probably gonna puke all over the place soon. 

I'm only four stops away so that's another 30 minutes or so. I don't know if I'll make it, but the train isn't packed so that's a perk. 

One guy gets on and he has a lot of bags, I only noticed because he almost knocked over a very angry lady on his way in. He turned around to apologize and wait - is that Harry? What the hell is he doing with all those bags? I'm now staring at him from my seat, extremely confused. He looks around the train to see if there's somewhere to sit, and he takes a double take when his gaze lands on me. His face immediately softens and he looks down at the ground. He slowly makes his way over to me, trying not to knock over the lady again. She kisses her teeth at him and I somehow manage to laugh. 

"I uh, haven't seen you in a while. How've you been?" He says, still looking at the floor and rubbing the back of his neck. 

"Explain the bags, Styles." He drops his hand and finally looks at me. His eyes look sad and tired and it breaks my heart. "Uh, I maybe got kicked out of my apartment and I maybe am living off of a hundred dollars and maybe I was staying at different friends places all week. Just maybe."

"Harry what the hell? You've gotta be kidding me right?" There's no way he's being serious. He was fine just on Monday! What could've possibly happened between then and now? 

"You saw how much of a grump my roommate is. My half of the rent was late again and he got fed up. I left, erm...got kicked out on Tuesday night and I've been crashing at a different place every night. Oh and on top of that, my phone got cut off so that's always fun," oh that explains it. "I don't know where I'm staying tonight so it might just be the train." Harry sighs and looks like he's about to cry or something and fuck his roommate, seriously. 

"You're not staying on the train, Harry. There's no way I'm letting you do that."

"Well where else am I supposed to go?! I haven't spoken to my mother in two years, my sister said that she can't help me out because she has to take care of her kids, and my friends are all busy with their own lives. I've gotten as much help as I can, now I have to do this on my own. By Monday, some money will come in and I can maybe get a motel room for a few nights..."

"Oh shut up. You'll stay at mine," I say. He looks confused and maybe upset because I cut off his mini ramble. 

"Stay at your what?"

"My place, you idiot. C'mon, my stop is next."

##

"Whoa," Harry drops his bags at the door and looks around my flat. I can't exactly read what his expression is. I know it's shock, but the good or bad kind, I'm not sure. 

"It's small and dirty, I know I'm sorry I ju-"

"Shhh," he places his finger over my lips to hush me and I do as he says, trying not to taste his salty skin. "Do you hear that?"

"Uh, no..."

"It's the sound of no annoying roommate. It's beautiful, Louis. Beautiful."

"Did you by chance take acting in school? Because you're quite the dramatic one," I laugh and his smile drops, rolling his eyes. "I'll help you take your bags inside."

"You have an extra room?"

"Well... Not exactly... It's just a one bedroom flat so my bed is the only bed," he mouths a small oh and his face is kind of blank. "But I do have a pullout couch. I can grab some sheets later and throw them on for you." Nice one, Tomlinson. He nods and thanks me, then helps bringing his stuff inside. 

"I really appreciate this Louis. I'll be out of here as quickly as possible and I'll help out with like, groceries and stuff to make up for ren-"

"Stop," I grab his shoulders firmly but without hurting him. "This is the least I could do, really. Don't worry about helping out. You're welcome to stay as long as you need. If I knew a friend was struggling and I could help but I didn't, I would feel awful. Plus, you're kind of cute so it's a win-win situation," I wink at him and his mouth goes wide, as if he's angry with me. 

"Kind of? I'm only kind of cute?" He fakes offense. It's honestly the best when he's like this; angry but not really angry, so he's trying not to laugh and it isn't working. "You suck," he shoves me playfully and damn he's cute. I'm glad he gets to stay with me. 

##

God knows what time it is but neither of us care because tomorrow is Saturday. We can stay up as late as we please and sleep in as late as we please. All the lights are out and I've made up the pull out couch for Harry into the bed. We're both on it though, legs sprawled out with a big bowl of popcorn and m&m's between our laps because popcorn needs chocolate, sweet and salty is the way to go. 

"Why the hell is there even a chicken there? How did it get there? They're going to explain this right?"

"Just pray that Red gets her hands on it." I'm so happy. Literally nothing could top this moment because I've managed to get Harry to watch Orange is the New Black with me. Last time we spoke about it, he was so against the show and refused to watch it. That is until I gave him puppy dog eyes til he agreed. 

"Just one episode, Lou. Just one."

And now here we are, wondering what the hell is going on with the chicken. Harry was the one to click next episode, he blamed me for it but I'm not letting him live this one down. He looks more into it than me, but maybe that's because I'm more into Harry than the show. Oh well. 

##

Shit. We finished the entire season. Harry is staring wide eyed at the screen and I'm not sure if I should laugh or punch something. I decide to laugh and Harry just glares at me. "How the hell are you laughing? Were you watching the same show as me?" 

"Yes sir I was, can ya believe it?" He pushes me out of frustration and I just laugh even harder. "I'm not tired, though. Are you?"

"Nope."

"Good, I'm gonna grab something to drink, want anything?" He shakes his head and yawns, the poor kid probably is tired but I'm not going to say anything. I get my drink and plop myself down on the couch beside the long limbed boy. He looks at me with sleepy eyes and I really wanna just kiss him all over. But I can't so I don't. 

"Wanna watch a movie, babe?" He asks suddenly and I'm a bit surprised by the pet name I usually use. But it's nice nonetheless. I nod and he scrolls through a bunch of titles on Netflix. Which seems like all we do, watch movies together. He picks one but I don't know what it was, because about thirty minutes into it, I fell asleep.


	6. December 3, Saturday

"Morning, Lou," I hear whispered into my ear. Shit! Did I fall asleep in Harry's bed?! Shit shit shit. "Are you okay?" Damn him and his damn morning voice, dammit. My back is facing him and I feel him drawing circles on my elbow with his finger, and when he speaks I feel his breath on my neck. But fuck this feels nice, I could really get used to having Harry sleep beside me every night. 

I turned around to face him and gosh is he a beauty first thing in the morning. "I fell asleep here last night, didn't I?" He nods his head a little and gives a small grin. "I'm so sorry, I didn't mean to. You should've woke me up or gone and slept in my bed or something, Haz."

"Hey hey hey, it's alright. I don't care, really. You don't snore or move a lot or anything so it's okay. Besides, it was um... It was kind of nice having you beside me in bed. I didn't feel weird at all," he flashed me a warm smile and I didn't know what to say. I just smiled back at him. We actually just stayed like that for awhile, I soaked in all his features and his presence and I think he did the same. His lips are thin yet plump, in a strange but cute way. His nose is kind of big but it too looks cute on him. His eyes are green, but they sometimes look blue. They change color with his emotion, I noticed. They just have this emerald sparkle sometimes and they're so inviting and warm. His hair is always a mess but it suits him, and Harry is just beautiful. But I want to know what's going on in his mind about me, because he's staring at me like I'm staring at him. I get self conscious sometimes, this is one of those times. 

"What are you thinking about?" He asks in a quiet whisper. 

"You," I answer honestly. His eyes light up and he has a dopey smile on his face. 

"That's funny, because I'm thinking about you, too."

Oh. "What exactly are you thinking?"

"About how beautiful you are. How sweet you are, even though we've kinda just met. How much you make me smile and how happy I am when I'm with you. But I'm mostly thinking about your lips, and how perfect they look, especially after you bite down or lick them. I'm thinking about how much I want to kiss them right now, and I don't care if I'm being forward. Just tell me if that's what you want too."

Harry fucking Styles will be the death of me. How did I manage to come across the most perfect person!? Maybe not perfect, but damn near it! I want to kiss him too, I really do. I just can't find the words to say yes and I hope he doesn't hate me for it. I can only smile and give a small nod. 

He doesn't rush in, which I like. He still has a stupid grin on his face as he shuffles himself closer to me. This will be interesting considering we're both still lying on our sides but whatever. He places his hand on my waist after he brushes some fringe from my eyes. I don't really know what to do with my hands, so they kind of just stay in front of me. He leans in closer, eyes fluttering back and forth from my lips to my eyes and then he eventually focuses on my lips. I do the same, and once we're close enough, I cup his cheek with my left hand. Fuck, this feels so right. I bet his lips feel even better. Absolutely nothing could ruin this moment. 

"Louis!!!"

Fuck. Fuck fuck fuck. Some fucktard is knocking on my damn door and won't stop. Whoever the fuck it is, is going to have to run if they want to live. 

Harry looks at me, wide eyed and a bit disappointed. I tell him I'm sorry and he says these things happen. I can't help but feel horrible though, I really wanted this. I hop over the sad boy and stumble towards the door, swinging it open wide. Oh lovely, it's Zayn. 

"What," I deadpan at the intern. 

"Its Liam," wait what? I drop my anger and look at Zayn more seriously. Now that I look, I can see he's teared up and he looks confused. 

"Zayn what's going on, bud? Is Liam okay?"

"No, no he's not he's in the hospital!"

"What, why?!"

"Is everything okay?" Harry is sat up and looking at us from the couch and he's probably as confused as me. 

"Yeah, Harry just give me a minute. Why is he in hospital Zayn?"

"He g-got hit by a c-car on his way home yesterday and, and I went over to h-his place t-today and he wasn't there so I called his g-girlfriend and she told me," his tears are coming down and I don't believe this. Liam is always so careful, how did he get hit by a car? I bring Zayn into a hug and tell Harry to tidy up a bit. I walk him over to the living room and Harry follows me into the kitchen. 

"What happened? Is everything okay?" 

"No, my uh, my friend got hit by a car and he's in hospital. I'm not sure how bad it was but apparently pretty bad. Zayn is usually a strong guy, so to see him in tears like this must mean something," I explain, trying not to choke up myself. 

"Oh, I'm sorry Lou," he pulls me into a hug, and I think I might feel ten times better now. I wrap my arms around his waist and he runs his fingers through my hair a little bit. "He'll be okay, don't worry."

##

The three of us visited Liam later on. He is doing okay. He's got a broken leg and a concussion but the doctors say he should be alright soon enough. He looked like regular old Liam, smiling and just happy he's alive. I guess maybe Zayn was shocked, because I thought it was a lot worse with the way he carried on. But either way, as long as my best friend is okay, then all is good. 

Zayn and Harry got along well, so did Harry and Liam, so I'm glad because I didn't want him feeling awkward. It was as if he'd known Liam for as long as us and he was just as worried. He's got a big heart and really who wouldn't love him?

Zayn went home after we left the hospital. Harry suggested we go home and have lunch, but due to my lack of energy and cooking skills, there's not a lot of food in my apartment. So I suggested we go get frozen yogurt at Menchie's and Harry agrees. We walk into the store, and the look on Harry's face is as if he's a kid in a candy store. I mean, he sort of is but you know. 

"Louis, what is this place? I thought you said we were getting frozen yogurt, not going to build-a-bear."

"This is frozen yogurt, babe," I laugh and show him around. "First you grab your cup, then chose your flavor of ice cream. Once you do that, you add all the toppings you please, or can afford. They charge you by weight of the yogurt with toppings."

"That's brilliant. Sneaky, but brilliant."

"I know. But hey, fill it up as much as you want, this ones on me. And no arguments, Styles! Just shut up and get your treat." He shyly does as I say and thanks me after we pay. He didn't fill up as much as I expected but he looks content. We take our cups and decide to take the walk back home, it'll only be about fifteen minutes anyhow. 

"So how do you know Liam and Zayn?" He asks, breaking the comfortable silence. 

"Well, when I moved here I met Liam in school. Then we parted our ways, but when I went looking for work, he turned out to be working for the company I applied for a position at. He's moved up since I got hired, so now he's my boss. As for Zayn, he started interning there a few months ago. He's closer with Liam than he is to me, though."

"Well it's good you work with some friends. Do you have any family here or anything?" I shake my head and he nods, then slurps up a gummy worm into his mouth. 

"How about you? I remember you mentioning something about a sister?" I also remember him mentioning his mother but he said he doesn't speak to her so I won't go into that. 

"Yeah," he sighs. "Yeah I do have a sister. And a niece and two nephews."

"Oh that's great, kids can be fun. They're even better to watch when they drive your sibling insane," I kid and manage to get a laugh out of Harry. 

"That's true, but it's no fun watching her push you out of her life. It's no fun seeing her give off her kids to different baby sitters every month so she has time to go out in hopes of being more successful and making more money. It's especially no fun when her boyfriend does nothing. He leaves for weeks at a time, even. No explanation, just up and goes. The first few times it happened Gemma got scared and she called me up. But that was a year ago and since then, I guess she got used to it."

Oh. 

So he has a rough family life. I just rub a small circle in his shoulder and decide not to press him anymore. I try to change topics by asking if he's seen any good movies lately and if he wanted to watch one tomorrow. 

"That'll be great, Louis. Thanks." He smiled at me, and I think I'll have some fun times with this boy.


	7. December 4, Sunday

"Have you heard this song?" Harry comes out of the bathroom with boxers on and a toothbrush hanging out of his mouth. I try to ignore his beautiful body and focus on his question, but I guess it's not working. "Louis? Have you heard this before?"

"What's that?"

"It's called Latch. It's honestly great," he hands me his phone where the video is playing. "Just watch it, I'll be right out."

I watch the video and the song is great. The guys voice is amazing and really goes well with the music. I guess I'll be adding this to my playlist. "You like it?" This time he comes out with a t-shirt and sweats, dammit. I nod and hand him back his phone. 

"I knew you would... Hey theres an acoustic version, too." Harry puts on the video and sets the phone on a speaker dock. I see he's gotten use to my place already, I like that. 

"This sounds even better," I say once the song starts. This Sam Smith guy is seriously talented. Harry nods and stands up from his spot on the couch beside me. He holds out his hand towards me, as if he wants to dance..?

"Care to dance?" Oh okay. He has a stupid look on his face so I figure this will just be a fun twirl and dip and then we laugh about it. So I put on the same look of seriousness he has and grab his hand, standing up. He pulls me in by my waist and then takes my right hand with his left. Close, but I don't mind. The song continued to slowly play. 

I thought Harry would do a dramatic, playful waltz or something, but instead he just sways side to side with me. This is actually really nice, I'm dancing with Harry to a super amazing song, and the acoustic version really brings out the lyrics. I lean my head onto his chest, and damn he smells good. My eyes are closed as we sway and I don't know when, but both his hands are now on my waist and my arms are draped around his neck. I hear him whispering the words and I think I just found my new favorite song. 

I feel we're close enough.  
I wanna lock in your love.  
I think we're close enough.  
Could I lock in your love baby?

Harry sings these lyrics a little bit louder than he was before, and he pulls away so now we're face to face. Our noses are almost touching, and I can smell his minty breath as he sings. His eyes look more green now, almost lusting, and they slowly make their gaze shift from my eyes to my lips. This feeling is familiar, but it feels more...right. 

I gulp and nod, as if he was directing that lyric towards me as a serious question. He smiles a bit, moving one of his hands from the small of my back to the side of my neck. I never know what to do with my own hands in this situation, so I figure to keep them where they are. Well, maybe I should move them down and around his waist instead...crap I don't know...

"You okay there? Your hands are fine where they are," Harry laughs, did he read my mind? Maybe I just gave it away easily. Oh well. I put my arms around his waist anyways, though. I smile at him and he smiles back. 

He leans in, just like the first time, except this time there's no knocking at the door. Our lips meet, slowly, very slowly. I can't feel anything else now, just his mouth on mine. His breath is minty and his lips are soft. Our lips move in sync and it feels as if it was a perfect match, we just fit. There's no tongue, either. Which is different but nice, it makes it a bit more...sweet. The kiss isn't rough, it's slow and long and just perfect. 

Harry pulls away, still holding my neck and waist, our foreheads touching. He grins and lets out a breathy 'hi'. I smile and peck his lips quickly. This feels really right, I have a good feeling. 

##

"Shh, Haz shut up the movies going to start. I don't want people throwing popcorn in your hair." I'm trying to contain my laughter but Harry's is too contagious, he hasn't stopped laughing for a good five minutes. 

"I'm sorry, I'm sorry but you have to admit that was the best commercial you've ever seen," he calms down a bit but every few seconds he giggles. I don't even remember the commercial now, I'm laughing more at his reaction than anything. 

The theatre goes dark and the movie starts. I never liked the theatre too much because I get headaches from noise easily, but Harry wanted to see this movie so it's worth the risk. 

About half an hour into the movie, I feel a hand over mine. I look over to Harry, and he's wide eyed glued to the screen. I turn my hand over so our fingers are interlaced, and I see the corner of his mouth turn into a grin. We stay holding hands for the rest of the movie, and I maybe ended up cuddling into his side. 

##

We stumble into the apartment just around midnight, I think. I can't remember really. But we're both giggling idiots and constantly bumping into each other, seeing as neither of us can walk a straight path. I mean, we only got a few drinks...maybe more than a few but I can still see properly and my judgement is alright. No big deal. 

"Your ass is out of this world, Tomlinson," Harry whispers into my ear, his voice low and gruff. "And it's mine," he whispers even lower and geez he can take me, gladly. No complaints there. I can't find any more words because Harry always leaves me speechless. So I end up giggling like an idiot and biting down on my lip. 

"It's hot when you do that, you know. Biting your lip like that? It's like you're asking me to pounce on you." Harry is really forward and I love it. I like a confident guy. But there's something about the way Harry goes on about it that tells me he's not usually like this, that maybe this is the alcohol talking. But, doesn't alcohol make people more honest or something? I don't know. 

We haven't moved since we stepped inside, we're just standing behind the door. Harry looks at me and swiftly pushes me against the door, one hand above my head and the other on my hip. He leans in and kisses me, he went in roughly but the kiss was still gentle, the taste of alcohol from both our mouths prevalent. I close my eyes and melt into his touch and the kiss. Somehow my tongue finds it's way into Harry's mouth to explore and god he's a good kisser. 

The snog grows more intense and Harry grabs my bum which scared me, causing me to accidentally bite his tongue. Shit. He pulls away quickly and sticks his tongue out. 

"Isth there blood?" He tries to ask with his tongue sticking out of his head. It's cute but I feel horrible because yeah, there is blood. 

"Just a bit, I'm so sorry Haz, lemme get you some ice."

"Nah don't worry about it. It's actually kind of funny. Some ice would be nice though, thank you," he smiles it off and goes to the bathroom to check out his tongue. I feel bad, but he's right. It was kind of funny. It's not the worst thing that's happened while I kissed someone. 

He walks into the kitchen where I'm putting ice into a plastic bag for him. He stops me, and takes the ice without the bag. I mean, it makes sense. He doesn't really need the bag I guess. Harry ends up chewing on the ice instead, which I probably should've expected. 

"What do you wanna do?" Harry asks as he hoists himself up onto the counter. I slowly walk over to him and place myself between his legs, placing my hands on his thighs. He blushes, making me feel a little bit more confident with this. 

"Well it's late and we both have work tomorrow, so there isn't much to do. I'm sorry."

"Can we skip work tomorrow, Lou? Please?" His lower lip pops out and he looks like a little kid begging their parents to stay home from school. I stand up on my toes and peck his lips quickly, "I'm sorry, but we should probably go. Hey, we can take the subway together, yeah?"

Harry doesn't say anything, just smiles and kisses me again, but longer this time. I can still taste the alcohol in his breath, but we've managed to mellow out. Maybe we weren't even that tipsy in the first place. We stay like that for a while, me between his legs and him up on the counter. Kissing and being stupid, poking at each other and just enjoying ourselves. It's only been about two weeks, but it's feeling like two eternities. If that even makes sense.


	8. December 9, Friday

Harry and I don't get off at the same spot, but we manage to always catch the same train home. He doesn't have a key yet so it's fortunate we're together after work. And, his phone came back into service today so it's easier for us to talk if something's up. 

I head up to the 17th floor of this building (I still don't know what it's called) and walk into the office. I pass by Liam on the way to my desk and give him a big smile, I'm actually not annoyed by him today. Well, it's also his first day back after his accident and he's on crutches. So I gotta be nice to the guy. He is my friend and all. Same goes for Zayn, who seems weirded out by my behavior. He comes by with some papers I asked for, very cautiously as if I'm going to bite his hand off. Which, on a normal day I probably would've. 

"You seem extra cheery, anything I need to know?" Liam asks, leaning up on the side of my cubicle. 

"Nope! What, a man can't just be happy?"

"You showed up at nine thirty. You have never been this early since you were first hired. Are you taking drugs?"

"Yeah, Liam's right," Zayn pops up out of nowhere. "You haven't said something dry to me in a few days. Is everything okay?" He looks genuinely worried and I can't help but laugh. They're seriously worried about me!

"I'm not even such a bad person in the first place. You guys are making me sound like Oscar the grouch. I'm just feeling a bit more cheery than usual. Is that so wrong?"

The two look back and forth at each other, and as if they developed telepathic powers, at the same time they both asked "Who is it?"

"Don't you guys have work to do? This isn't Louis Scrutinization day is it? Geez, people." I'm not telling them about Harry. Harry is just a friend? I don't know. And if I don't know then they don't need to. 

"Whatever," I receive a slap on the arm from Zayn and Liam tries to walk off dramatically but his crutches prevent him from doing so, it's more like he stumbles off. I chuckle and try to carry on with my work, but something is really bugging me. 

What are Harry and I? 

##

The restaurant has nice lights and smells heavenly, the set up is beautiful and everyone seems so happy. I have no idea what it's called, but it's Italian. That's all I know and that's all that matters. I'm glad we ended up here though. It was my turn to spin and choose today, and I guess I have a bit more luck with the game because I chose the better restaurant. Just saying. 

"Louis this place looks expensive..." Harry tugs on my sleeve, whispering in my ear. He looks worried that we might not be able to afford it, and I'm not gonna lie. He might be right. 

"That's the fun of it, love. We might end up broke, or we might have to dine and dash." His eyes widen and his mouth drops a bit, Harry looks absolutely terrified. When he sees I'm being serious, his expression changes and I think he's up to the challenge. 

"We're good then. Booth for two please, preferably in the back,"the waitress nods and leads us to a booth, and perfect! It's in the back. 

"Why did you want to sit all the way back here?"

"Well, it's a bit more private and there's a door right there. Makes dine and dash easier," I wink. He nods, still probably not a hundred percent ready for D&D. I'm just teasing him though. There's no way we'd actually do that. Yet. 

We're looking through the menus, and the prices aren't actually too bad. There's a large variety and to be honest, if I could I would order it all. Harry gets lasagna and I end up with some pasta dish I couldn't pronounce, but it was cheap and looked amazing. 

"How was your day?" I didn't mean for that question to come out of my mouth, and I don't think Harry expected it either. He raised his eyebrow at me, but answered nonetheless. 

"It was okay. But I had a shift at the pool today, and I hated it. Seniors hour is the worst. I made the mistake of going into the change room with them once. Never again," he shudders and I almost spit my water out. I can only imagine what his poor eyes would've seen, it probably wasn't a pretty sight. 

"I'm sorry, Haz. But hey, Liam was back at work today, he's hopping around on crutches and it took everything in me not to trip him. So be proud of me."

"You're horrible Louis, I don't know how he puts up with you."

"Me either. But hey, can I ask you something?" He nods and sips on his water, why does he have to look cute doing everything? Sigh. "Well, today Liam and Zayn tag teamed me. They said that I've been acting too nice and cheery. Liam was even surprised I showed up to work early today. I mean, it's not that big of a deal... But have you noticed a change in me? I mean, do I seem happier?" 

Harry furrows his brows and folds his hands on the table, looking at me intently. I shift a bit, feeling a bit paranoid with how hard he's looking.   
"To be honest, when I'm around you I don't ever see you angry. You're always happy, in my opinion. So I really couldn't tell you if those guys were right."

Well that's food for thought. Harry always sees me happy. Harry's been at my place for a week. The guys at work noticed a change in me in the past week. I think that's just the answer I needed, really. Fate, if you're out there, I think I believe in you now. 

"You okay, Lou?"

"I'm great. Just thinking is all."

"Thinking about what?" As he asks that the waiter comes with our food, and thank god because I'm starving. It smells absolutely incredible, and I really have to control myself from drooling. We thank the waiter, but can't eat just yet because the food is still too hot. Dammit. 

"Louis? Answer me, boo," damn Harry and his damn pet names and his damn puppy dog eyes. They're sparkling right now and I honestly believe he has jewels for eyes. 

"I was just thinking about how happy I am that I met you, and that I have the privilege of you staying at mine."

"Then why'd you look so confused? C'mon Lou, you know you can't lie to me," and he's right. I can't lie to him. I sigh and play around with my fork.

"Should I beat around the bush or get to the point?"

"Get to the point, our food will get cold if you beat around the bush."

I put my fork down and sit back in my seat, looking Harry in the eye. He's so beautiful, and I'm so lucky to even be sitting here with him. I know I have feelings for him, and I'm pretty sure he feels the same. Otherwise he'd be a douche for kissing me like he does. 

"What are we?" I want to take those words back, but I want to know the answer. Shit. 

"We are whatever you want us to be. Whatever makes you happiest." How can he answer so simply? He doesn't seem phased at all, it's like he was expected the question and rehearsed the answer. He takes a bite of his lasagna and looks at me again, I still haven't touched my food. 

"But what do you want us to be?"

"Not friends, that's for sure. I couldn't live with just being your friend." I light up immediately and Harry smiles. "At the same time we haven't even known each other a month and I don't want to rush anything."

"Same. Same here, Harry. But... Why don't we try it out? Dating, I mean. Like, what harm could it do?" He puts down his fork and reaches across the table to grab my hand. 

"No harm, none whatsoever. We could totally try it. I mean, we already act like a couple... There's nothing wrong with making it official. If that's okay with you, I mean." I squeeze his hand and smile.

"That sounds awesome. Now if you don't mind moving your hand, I'd like to try my dinner thank you very much."

"Nerd," he sticks his tongue out. 

"You know you love it."

##

We could afford dinner, thankfully. But I forgot my wallet so we ended up paying with whatever money we found in our pockets. The waiter laughed, and I'm just happy he didn't judge us. Harry looked like he wanted to hide behind a rock but the waiter was really cool about it. 

The cold December air hits our faces when we walk out of the restaurant, and about two minutes later, a cold snowball hits my face. Harry's going to wish he had never done that, because I will get him back. 

"I may be smaller than you but I sure as hell am stronger!" I yell as I chase after him, watching him almost trip over his own two feet. He turns the corner and hops over a fence into a park. I could never hop fences as quick as he just did, but I went over nonetheless. The silly boy is running and laughing at the same time, so he runs out of breath and slows down. I jump on Harry's back, trying to bring him to the ground. 

"Louis!" He shouts and giggles at the same time. Dammit, he didn't lose his balance. Now he's running around the park with me on his back, and I can't manage to get him down. I'm not complaining though, it's a nice ride. 

"Can we go swing?" He walks over to the swing set and I hop down off his back, grabbing one of the swings. Harry sits on the one beside me and kicks the snow around his feet. 

"Oh man, I shouldn't of ran on a full stomach."

"Yeah, you shouldn't of been laughing like an idiot either. You could've saved your breath."

"Oh shut up," he pulls on the chain of my swing so I sway side to side. "You didn't get back at me for the snowball though. So who's the idiot now?"

I quickly grab a handful of snow from in front of me and whip it at Harry, just missing his face. He yelps and shakes it off as quickly as he can, making me laugh at his reaction. "Spoke too soon there, Styles."

##

I'm not one for cheesy romantic moments but this is nice. I'm hand in hand with Harry - my boyfriend - walking through the snowy streets of New York at night time. Cliché, but lovely nonetheless. 

"My mom used to work at this theatre." We stop in front of an old, run down building that's boarded up with big pieces of wood and covered in graffiti. I've never noticed this place before. I look over to Harry who's now dropped my hand, and his eyes are glued onto this torn down establishment. I don't think I should ask questions or say anything because for a second I feel like he forgot I was beside him. 

"She starred in a couple of plays and musicals. Nothing too big, just enough shows and tickets for us to get by. Once dad left money got tighter, you know, the usual." Harry is talking very quietly so I shift closer to him, and I think he's tearing up a bit. I really don't want to see him like this. 

"Gemma started summer camp by that time but I wasn't old enough, so mom brought me here during the day. I'd watch her practice and sing on stage. She was really good Louis, really talented. Her director always told her, 'Anne, it'd be shame if you stayed in this dump your entire career. I'd blame myself if you didn't end up on broadway.' And everyone agreed, she was that good."

"I could imagine, babe," a tear streams down his face and I gently place my hand on his back to let him know I'm here for him. I don't know why he's upset, maybe something happened but whatever it is its bringing him to tears and I hate this. 

"The night before her last show, the biggest of the entire production, I was there the whole day again. Gemma was coming after camp with my aunt, so I was wandering around alone. Watching them set everything up, sound checks and all. Everyone was so stressed, especially my mom. She disappeared for a bit, and I wanted to ask her something so I went around looking for her. I searched her dressing room, the kitchen, backstage, everywhere I could think of. Except for the directors office. I heard a lot of noise in there as I passed by, and I wanted to know what was happening. 

"I opened the door just enough to see what was going on without being noticed. I peeped through and saw my mom sitting in a chair in front of a mirror, I was happy to see her but she didn't look happy at all. She was crying and shaking and she wasn't even in costume yet. Then I heard heavy footsteps and a man started yelling at her and telling her mean things. The voice was familiar and when he turned around to face my mom, I recognized his face. It was my father. I don't know how he found mom and why they were in that room but there they were. She started sobbing and trying to defend herself but he grabbed her and shook her... And I'll never forget what he said... 'You worthless piece of shit, I'm glad I left the second I could. And those kids? Messed up and worthless. Just like their mother. You're fucking stupid if you think this shitty theatre will get you anywhere.' Mom started screaming and got up to push him, but he just smacked her and pushed her back down. I couldn't stand it anymore so I yelled for him to stop and ran into the room. When mom saw me she started crying even harder, begging for my father not to hurt me. He had his fists clenched and his eyes were full of anger and hate, he was not a good man. But he said nothing, just left. I ran into my mothers arms and after she fled the theatre, not performing her show. My aunt said it was her big break, but she didn't care. She took me and Gemma and we moved in with my aunt upstate so my father couldn't find us again. Basically tried to shelter us, living in constant fear. It broke her Louis, it really broke her."

And that's when Harry broke. He was choked up the whole time but towards the end he lost it, breaking down in tears and sobs. I pulled him in for a hug and he held me tight. I ran my fingers through his hair and kept whispering 'it's okay' by his ear. That was a lot to take in, and I have a feeling there's much more stories like it. It's breaking me to see him to hurt, crying like he was holding it in for years. Which he probably was. 

"I'm sorry," he says over and over and every time I tell him it's not his fault, and it's okay for him to cry. I want to fix him, I want to mend his broken heart. Cheesy, I know but my baby is torn and I can't watch him be like that. 

After a few minutes his sobs had been reduced to sniffles with a red nose and puffy eyes. He pulls away slowly from the hug and looks at me sadly. I wipe the tears from his cheeks, causing him to manage a very small smile. I don't know if he's expecting me to say anything, and I don't exactly know what to say... It's not like it's something I could stop. I mean, it happened a long time ago, he's obviously over it but the wound still hurts. And I understand, sometimes I bring up things from my past that I've managed to get over but it still hurts from time to time. 

I'd say something to him, but I don't know what, so I kiss him to give me time to think. It's a very soft and gentle kiss. I can taste some of his salty tears that trickled down to his delicate lips. He kisses me back as if he's thankful, I can't really decipher kisses but this one was meaningful. 

"I'm sorry, love. You didn't deserve to go through that. No one does, but especially you. You're a wonderful human being and I'm positive your family is lovely as well. None of you deserved that. I'm just glad to see you be the happy little coffee bean you are today. And I'm also glad you told me that, it wasn't good news but it's good to know you trust me and you're able to share personal things like that with me." Well, I didn't think that through at all, but I hope it was comforting enough. Harry nods and smiles, a bit bigger this time, then he raises his eyebrows at me. 

"What? Did I say something wrong?"

"I'm a little coffee bean?" He smirks, and oh damn did I say that? I guess I did, but I completely didn't realize. 

"Yeah, yeah you are a little coffee bean. You're my little coffee bean."

##

"Tonight was nice, Lou. I'm sorry for being a Debby downer, I think it really just got to me," he's seated on my bed and I just got out of my shower, drying my hair down. 

"Hey don't apologize, all is well. But I had fun tonight, too. Just don't be throwing anymore snowballs at me or we'll have a real issue," I toss my towel at him and scramble to get my boxers on before he sees me. Thank goodness I have good aim because it landed right on his face and I got dressed in time. I plop myself down on the bed in front of Harry, and he still has the towel on his head. Weirdo. I yank it off quickly and look at him, eyebrows raised. 

"You smell good," he says with a stupid grin on his face. As much as I say it's stupid, it's probably my favorite smile, because it makes my insides warm and I feel at home with him. 

"If I smell so good, come closer instead of sniffing my towels, you nerd." He giggles and crawls over so he's beside me. I poke his nose and he scrunches his face. God, he's adorable.

"How did I get so lucky? Look at you, you're beautiful. And you're mine, how awesome is that?" I speak my mind, because really, that's all I'm thinking about. Harry blushes and pulls me into a kiss, short and sweet. 

I'm not sure when it happened, but I stopped setting up the pullout couch and Harry just followed me to bed. We both sleep better anyways, when we're beside each other. After the first few nights he even started cuddling me, which I didn't mind at all. So right now, Harry is slipping himself under the covers and getting comfortable. I throw on a t-shirt and then go back to the bed, lying on my side to face Harry. 

"What're you thinking about?" I ask. 

"Nothing, I'm just noticing your ceiling actually," he turns on his side to face me. "Now I'm noticing you."

"Hey," I chuckle. "I'm not really tired."

"Me either, but it's cold so come under the sheets, babe." He lifts up the blanket and I snuggle in closer. It feels different now, a good different. Harry and I are actually together, so it's not just platonic friends in a bed. It's nice. 

He places his hand on my hip and pulls me closer to him, locking our legs together. I smile and kiss him, playing with little curly wisps by his ears. I love kissing Harry, don't get me wrong. But I don't want to just be giving him strawberry, fluffy kisses all the time. And I think he feels the same way as me because a moment later I find myself underneath him. His necklace dangles down from his neck and I reach up to twist if around. I also take that opportunity to place my hands on his back under his shirt, feeling every muscle and dip and edge of his body. 

He deepens the kiss and now it's rougher, I actually have to gasp for air every once in a while. And oh wait, Harry is on top of me. His legs are straddling me and I feel him stiffen a bit. Oh. 

"I want you," he whispers huskily into my ear. Shit, I wasn't sure what I wanted before but now I'm sure of it. I want him too, this feels like too good of a moment to pass up. 

##

I never got around a lot, but I've had my fair share of lovers. Well, not lovers but I've slept with a few blokes before. 

Yet none of them can even be compared to Harry. 

He's loving, sexy, cautious and caring. Gentle yet rough and knows what to do and when to do it. 

"How you feeling, babe?" I open my eyes up a bit to see Harry hovering over my side, messy hair and sleepy eyes. Deep, husky voice drawing me in more and more. We just had sex but they way he's looking, I'd do it all over again in a heartbeat. 

"'M great," I whisper. He smiles and gives me a sloppy cheek kiss, then lies his head down on my chest, drawing patterns with his finger on my stomach. I shut my eyes again and just enjoy being here with Harry, because really there's nothing better. 

"You are everything I never knew I always wanted." 

You are everything I never knew I always wanted...

It almost makes no sense but it does, and my heart skipped a beat probably. He says it as if it was so natural, like he just felt it and spoke his mind because it's what he really feels about me. I'm nothing special, I'm really not, and the fact Harry and I are still new makes this feel even better. I think I've fallen for this one. 

"Don't think I'm crazy smart or romantic, I got that line from a Mathew Perry movie. But it doesn't change anything, I really do like you like that. Kinda unexpected though, you know?" 

"I think so, I get what you mean. That's very sweet of you." Harry smiles up at me and I kiss his forehead, the words he said replaying over and over in my mind


	9. December 11, Sunday

What else is there to do on a wintery Sunday besides watching the game? The football game, NFL. I could never get into it but I guess being with Harry means I had no choice. It started with the Green Bay and Pittsburgh game last week, and this week it's Miami versus home, New York Giants. 

"What the hell are they doing? Flag on play!" Harry shouts at the tv, almost elbowing me in the face. I understand the game, I know half of the terms he's shouting, but I could just never get into it. Not even Super Bowl. It'll take a lot of persuasion from Harry to get me to be a fan. 

I sat quietly the whole game, munching on whatever snacks I could find. The one time I cheer is when Miami gets a touchdown, and that earned me a disbelieving glare from Harry. I shrug and say "oops," not really caring. He drops it and gets right back into the game, shouting and yelling and again, almost hitting me in the face. 

Giants won the game, Harry jumped for joy, and I gave a somewhat fake cheer. I was more happy it was over and that the Harry was happy with the winners. He hit me over the head and when I got up to push him back, he pulled me into a kiss. I smiled and leaned into it, liking the intensity of his lips against mine. I feel like Harry was actually playing the game and won, and I was his boyfriend cheering for him in the stands, this being our celebratory kiss. 

It's strange, but feels good nonetheless. 

##

I'm in bed reading a book, one that I'm not even sure what it's about but I've been meaning to start it for the past few months. At this point I'm just dragging my eyes across the page, not really paying attention. What can I say? I'm not a reader. 

Harry was about to hop into bed with me when his phone started to ring, and he took the call outside to the living room. I actually lost track of time so when I looked at my page number and saw I had read a few chapters but Harry still wasn't in bed. I guess it must've been an important call. 

He eventually walked in, silent and face a little puffy. "Took long enough," I tried to lighten his obviously distraught mood. He just stood by the door, pouting and rubbing his eyes. I patted the spot on the bed beside me and put down my book. Harry shuffles over but he sits on the edge of the bed, not looking at me. My heart breaks a little, I really do hate seeing him upset. The only other time I had seen him like this is that one day on the subway when he had told me he was kicked out from his place. (Which reminds me that I’m glad he wasn’t in a rush to find his own flat and he’s comfortable enough to stay with me.)

I scoot over so I’m behind him and start rubbing small circles in his back, asking him if he’s alright. “I’m fine, Louis,” is all I get and yet again, my heart breaks a bit. I try not to take offense though because I’m sure he’s just upset and didn’t mean to take it out on me. I ask again what’s going on, my voice softer and quieter. Harry doesn’t reply, his sniffles just become louder and he starts sobbing, his face buried in his hands. Oh no, I’m not good with crying. Even when Harry opened up about his mom, I still felt uncomfortable but I tried my best to comfort him anyways. I guess it’s just harder now that I don’t know what’s upset him.

I shift even closer to him so now we’re side by side, and I just wrap my arms around him. Harry doesn’t cry for a long time, but he does gently push my arms off him, and then proceeds to cross his own.

“My best friend just told me they found my sister passed out, all drugged up. He didn’t go into much detail but um, she’s being submitted into rehabilitation and my mom has to watch her kids. I’m sorry but um, I just don’t really know what’s going on myself, and Niall said he didn’t have all the details and that’s all he knows... I hate to cry, especially in front of you, I’m so sorry I can just lea-“

“Harry for the love of god, stop apologizing. None of this is your fault. I’m sorry about all of this, but if you don’t know all the details you should maybe call up your mum, love.”

He gives me a look that is in between sad and horrified, but then sighs into my chest. I hold him anyways and start playing with his hair in hopes of him calming down.

“Someone like you really doesn't deserve all this, you know. You’re too lovely for this kind of trouble.”

“No, Lou. I’m shit and I’m just getting everything that I had coming. My family was never that lucky to begin with.”

“Don’t say that about yourself. You aren't shit,” I look him in the eye, every fiber of my being hoping he gets this through his head. “You don’t deserve this, Haz. And the fact that you think you do kills me because you’re a genuine and sweet guy who thinks everything in life is just great, that’s something I could never do. But I love you and I want to be here to help you through whatever you’re dealing with. You just have to let me be there for you and I promise we can deal with it together. If you don’t want to talk to your mom, maybe we can go see your friend Niall, it sounds like he knows a bit more about this than you right now. And if you’d like, in time we can go visit Gemma, too... I’m sure in the end everything will be alright babe.” I brush my thumb across Harry’s cheek and wipe a tear away. I hope I said the right thing, that it made sense at least. He looks at me, his eyes wide but his face lacking expression. I start getting nervous because nothing is coming out of his mouth.

But in a moment, his lips form a small smile and Harry’s expression completely softens. “You love me,” he says quietly. I do? Well I do, but how does he know? Shit, maybe I was too quick with this. I never think before I speak. “I like... Well, I do... it just slipped and I didn’t kn-“

I felt Harry’s lips crash onto mine and I could taste his salty tears and the raspberry ice cream we had for dessert in the kiss. I ease up knowing he’s not mad that I said I loved him, but I’m still anxious for some reason. I had never told anyone besides my mom (and maybe Liam when he got me my favourite pair of VANS last year) that I love them. This is a huge step for me, and the thought of Harry is still pretty new in my life.

I’m scared for it but I don’t mind the fear.

“I love you too,” he replies once he pulls away from my lips. His green eyes are glistening and something about them seems to literally sparkle. There it was, I love Harry and Harry loves me. My gut tells me this is right where I belong, and I think for once in my life I’m right.


	10. December 21, Wednesday

Its winter but my heart feels like spring. Everything is so new and refreshing and as cliché as it sounds my love for Harry is really blossoming. We've been spending a lot of time together. Every Friday is date night, we didn't mean for it but we just fell into a pattern of it. 

Each moment is better than the last with him, it's fun and natural and he really makes me happy. I wasn't particularly sad before, but I was missing something and that something was Harry. We fit together, and I love it. 

"It's been almost three weeks, just let me do this, Lou."

"No, I refuse. I can manage it on my own for now really, it's okay. You help out with groceries and stuff anyways so it's no big deal."

"Louis!" Harry whines, slapping my thighs. "Let me pay half the rent!"

"Babe stop, you aren't paying half of anything."

"Listen, when you first let me stay, I was extremely grateful. I still am! But seeing as neither of us really want me to move out, and I really don't see myself leaving you anytime soon, let me pay half the rent."

"Harry you don't have to do that. Not yet anyways, it's no big deal." For some reason he looks dejected, and I'm scared I might've said something wrong now. 

"Are you scared something will happen? Is that why you don't want me helping? You don't think it'll last long enough so you don't want to make any big decisions."

"Haz, baby no that's not w-"

"It's true! You know it's true! You think that once I start paying rent, things will be way more serious and you don't think you're ready for that! Is this a game?" Harry's face is red, I can't tell if he's angry or sad, but I guess hurt is the best way to put it. 

"Calm down, love. Please," I gently rub his shoulders, relieved to see it actually helps a bit. "If I didn't want anything serious we wouldn't even be here right now. You wouldn't be coming back here everyday. You wouldn't call this place home. This is serious, we are as legit as they come babe. I have never told anyone I loved them before, except you. If that doesn't scream permanence I don't know what does. Never in my life have I clicked with someone so fast, Harry. Only has there been one person I know that can break down my walls and still make me feel like number one.That person is you," I say quietly. Harry smiles shyly and I poke his nose, I'm just happy to see him calm and smiling now. 

"Me? It's just me?" He sounds and looks like a little kid, and god knows how but he managed to out-cute himself. 

"Yeah, just you. You who isn't going to pay the rent until I feel suit, okay? When I say it's no big deal, I mean it. You help out with a lot of other stuff, I'd probably be dead from starvation right now if you weren't for you. Don't even laugh, Styles you know it's true."

"Fine, I'm sorry baby," he kisses me and gives me a tight squeeze. 

"C'mon, let's sleep. I'm taking you out tomorrow."


	11. December 22, Thursday

After work, Harry meets me at the station just before my favorite plaza. This place has everything - literally everything. Two food courts, Walmart, Target and JCPenny. Score. There's a gym, a play center for kids, a movie theatre, and in the middle of the mall is a display with hot air balloons that rise from the bottom floor to the top every twenty minutes. It's awesome.

But there's one place I had in mind today, and that is the pet store. I know Harry loved his old roommates cat. One night he even told me he tried to take her before he left, but he saw murder in his roommates eyes so he let the fluffball go. I wanted to laugh but my heart broke too, he looked genuinely upset and I have a soft spot for him, so. Here we are! 

"This place is huge," Harry says once we walk into the plaza. I grab his hand as we walk around, not only to say 'yes he's mine' but also because I fear he'll get lost. 

"I have a surprise for you."

"Louis," he drags out my name. "You know how I feel about surprises. And your birthday is soon, shouldn't I be the one surprising you?"

"Well obviously I think you're more special to me, than I am to you," I fake offense. "But babe just let me surprise you this once, you'll love it, I promise."

We walk around, and once we near the pet store, I tell Harry to close his eyes. He squints but I know he faking it, so I hold one hand over his eyes as we clumsily march into the pet shop. 

"Louis..."

"Yes, dear?"

"Why do I hear dogs barking...and chirping birds..."

"Well you've gone mad."

"Lou are we in a pet shop? I can smell the animals," he tries prying my hand from his eyes but I'm not going to let him do so just yet. "Just wait babe."

We walk over to the front desk where an overly perky girl is standing, smiling big at us and I bet her cheeks hurt like a bitch. 

"Hi there, I'm Ariel. How are you guys today?"

"My boyfriend is holding my eye sight hostage!" 

"Oh shut up. We're fine thanks. I'm here to make a pick up? Louis Tomlinson."

"Oh yes, we have you down right here. Follow me!" Harry giggles because he knows I'm annoyed by how cheery Ariel is. We follow her into the back where there's a large kennel, this section being for cats. 

"Can I look yet?"

"Haz, don't ask again. You'll see when I move my hand!" Harry puffs and pouts but listens anyways. Ariel goes and unlocks a kennel, picking up a small black and white animal and holding it close to her chest. She walks over to us and looks, as if she was about to be sharing the joyous moment with us. I didn't really appreciate that, but you know. 

"Here he is!" 

"Who's here?" Harry asks, panicked. I laugh, slowly moving my hand from Harry's eyes. I watch him carefully, looking intently at his face and reaction as he takes in the sight before him. Without saying anything, Harry reaches across to grab the kitten from Ariel and holds it close, swooning and petting it gently. 

"He's adorable, Lou," Harry whispers. In this moment, I think I remember why i call Harry what I do, and I regret not doing this for him sooner. 

"He's all yours, bright eyes." Harry never seems to fail to make the impossible possible, because with my three words, his eyes got even brighter.

"Really?"

"Yup, everything is set and now all you have to do is name him, and we take him home." I had a piece of paper in front of me, waiting to write down the last piece of info. Harry looks deep in thought, then looks at the kitten, taking in every little detail. 

"Benji," he finally says. Then Benji it is. 

##

"He's not pooping."

Benji stares, then licks his paw. 

"He didn't even go pee."

Benji proceeds to clean the rest of his little fuzzy body. 

"Maybe we should see a vet."

I walk out of the kitchen with a bowl of popcorn and M&M's to Harry who's sat on the living room floor. I sit beside him, pulling the concerned boy into my side.

"I did some reading and it's normal for them not to use the litter for the first day or so. We just have to let him to his own thing and get used to the flat. He's eaten and you showed him the litter box, yeah?" Harry nods with pouty lips. "Then he should be fine babe," I try to reassure him as i kiss his forehead. 

Harry grabs the kitten and holds him like a new born baby, gentle and loving and trying to make it happy. He rubs Benji behind his ear, just like he likes it, and if kittens could smile, then Benji just did. 

"Thank you so much Louis. You're honestly the best. I don't know what I'd do without you."

"Without me, you'd never pick a movie. Why are there still titles sitting here?" I pick up at least five DVD cases and looks through all of them. Seriously, we'll never decide on anything in a reasonable amount of time. 

"Well you can't blame me! You stuck this adorable thing in front of me, I don't know how I'll ever get anything done. You choose tonight." I roll my eyes but picks a movie anyways. I walk up to the tv stand and place the movie in the player, hearing Harry wolf whistle behind me. 

"Stop watching my bum," i blush. 

"Then bring it over here," Harry says and I can practically hear the smug look on his face, because apparently thats possible. But I plop myself beside Harry nonetheless and I'm feeling cuddly, so i curl up into Harry's side into a ball pretty much. 

"Awe baby," Harry coos. I don't know if he's talking to me or Benji, which really is cute but also borderline sad. 

"Are you talking to me or the cat?" I look up to see Harry blushing and biting his cheek. 

"Mhmm, well this will be interesting."


	12. December 24, Saturday

"Lou?" 

The construction outside thankfully stopped, so mornings were more peaceful. But mornings now also consist of a needy, attention seeking ball of fur, nudging his way between Harry and I. Harry thinks it cute, whereas I want all of Harry's attention to myself. 

"Lou wake up!" With my eyes half open I see Benji looking up at Harry who is gently rocking me, and decides he should help by nudging my arm with his wet little nose. 

"Let me sleeeep," I whine, trying to pull the cover over my face. It's too early for this, and this stupid cat is whacking me with his tail. 

"But you're an old man now."

Well, that comment didn't sit too well with me, so I grabbed the first extra pillow i could find, aiming quite well at Harry's face. He wanted to be upset, but he deserved that one.

##

"I don't like doing things for my birthday."

Mario (Me) ends up in 12th place, Yoshi (Harry) somehow in 3rd. 

"That's fine, Lou. Then we won't."

Banana thrown, Benji meows, Harry looks at Benji, then gets a red shell in the arse. 

"Hey!"

"Who's the old man now?"

Harry pushes me over and sits on my stomach, ignoring my cries for mercy and my giggles that sputter through. Apparently this is his favorite move, sitting on my back or stomach when I piss him off. I'm not complaining though. 

[And they're like this, Harry and Louis, actually they're harryandlouis, and there's no disputing that. They're loving and playful, and it should be gross and sickening when they're being cute together, but for some reason it isn't. When Liam was over he felt like a third wheel, but he didn't mind because he admired their relationship. He was jealous, but he wasn't annoyed by it. And it seemed that way for every one. 

Harryandlouis were a force to be reckoned with, really.]

##

I'm on the balcony, messing around with Harry's guitar, plucking the few chords i remember from high school, and some that Harry taught me. I think i can play Jeff Buckley's Hallelujah, it's just a few simple chords. 

"Hey babe," Harry calls from inside, sounding out of breath. "Niall wants me to visit him...he's in New Jersey...he asked if I could come down for New Years. There's gonna be this party and it's apparently huge...and before that I'm gonna go see my mom and sister..."

"That's great," I say plainly. 

"Would you like to come?"

"Well, sure... I'd love to spend new years with you babe but would Niall be cool with that? Like I don't know the bloke and all and I'd be crashing the party too, and what about your family? Maybe it's not a good idea-"

"Please boo? I want you with me. Niall won't care, and you don't have to see my family, but if you want to tag along, I know they'll love you."

I'm not sure of much, I'm sure of Harry, but not of this idea. But i love him so I say yes, trusting this boy that everything will be okay. 

"When do we leave?" 

##

We left that evening actually, took a cab over to Hoboken and yeah, Niall didn't mind me there. He actually was happy Harry found someone and he thought I was a pretty good guy. I was quite flattered. We all bonded quick, went out for dinner even though it was like, 2 in the morning. Niall says his work schedule is fucked up so this is his norm. And to be honest, Harry and I have a lot of late nights so we're used to it. Once Niall found out it was my birthday he was set on us doing something, so here we are at his favorite restaurant, sufficiently satisfied to the nth degree. 

"You wanna call it a night or see how much trouble we can cause on this fine December evening?" Niall says with a look on his face that probably should be illegal. Harry looks at me, a similar look to Niall's in his eyes. 

"I dunno guys, this old man might want to call it a night, rest up these old bones." Harry pouts and Niall boos as he throws a French fry at me as I stretch and yawn. It's funny really, because I'm not serious and Harry should know this by now. I guess he isn't paying enough attention, but I push his arm playfully. "I'm kidding guys. What's there to do around here?"

Niall's eyes immediately light up again, I think I've just unleashed a devil that was supposed to stay locked up. 

"We're going to fuck some shit up."

##

All I can hear is my heart beating out of my chest in a melody of panting and laughter. We ran down the street as fast as we could, even though the poor taxi driver probably stopped running after us a long time ago. 

It was Harry's idea, and really I shouldn't of been surprised. 

"Louis, you'll be waiting in the alley and Niall and I will hail a cab over. We'll tell him our friend is injured and he needs to come help, once he gets out of the cab, we'll run over to you in the alley. Once the cab man catches up, we moon him with our glorious behinds, and yes I'm especially looking at you, Lou."

And so here we are, outside of a coffee shop, leaning on each other for support and trying to catch our breath. It was fun, I've never mooned someone before. Harry and Niall seemed to be experienced. The poor cab driver was enraged and embarrassed and I couldn't help but apologize after him before we took off. But hey, that's one thing to check off my bucket list. 

We got back to Niall's and decided to crash right away, seeing as the next morning (or in about six hours) we'd be on the way to Harry's mums place. I was nervous, I've never met anyone's parents before. And this is Harry's mum. I'm actually literally quaking in my boots. But poor Harry looks way more nervous than I do. I still don't know what happened between them but it obviously shook him up. It's no way to spend Christmas break really, but I'll find a silver lining for him. 

I drown Harry in tender kisses and gentle touches all night as I whisper his favorite songs to him until he feels content enough to fall asleep. His lips are slightly parted and his eyelashes gently fall on his cheek, like in those cheesy love songs, and he really does look angelic as he dozes off. I feel him latch onto me and I can't help but smile at this beautiful boy I get to keep all to myself. I'm not usually selfish, but with Harry, I'll be as greedy as I please.


	13. December 25, Sunday

Christmas was never my favorite holiday, and it seems as if the rest of the boys share my opinion. It was a pretty big thing in my house because of my family. There was a dinner and presents but a tree was way too much work. So now it's nice to have a quiet, small Christmas. Harry said it was pretty much the same, and Niall was just too lazy to appreciate the Christmas spirit. He's a simple man, really. I admire that about him. 

So we had breakfast together, coffee and sweet chocolate chip and banana pancakes. Which were interesting, but it worked. I'll give Niall credit.   
After we ate, we hopped in a cab (fingers crossed we wouldn't run into the guy from last nights mooning mishap) and set off to Harry's mums place. It was just Harry and I, Niall said he thought it would be best if Harry just brought me along. And he had to go visit his own family anyways. Which I guess in the end was a better decision. 

Harry was a nervous wreck the whole ride there, keeping quiet but when he spoke it was stutters and almost inaudible. I gave his hand a tight squeeze as we got out in front of his mums place. It was a large building but looked very old, and she lived on the 23rd floor. Harry was breathing heavily as we made our way up the elevator. I tried my best to comfort him but the closer we got to her door the less he seemed to notice me. I don't really blame him though. 

He knocked on the door three times, and when his hand dropped to his side he gave my own a squeeze. I gave him a small smile, telling him that everything will be okay. Something really fucked up must've happened because nobody should be so nervous to visit their own mother. We waited about thirty seconds when we heard the chains on the other side, and Harry's eyes shot up to the door. It swung open and there stood a middle aged woman, probably a bit younger than she looks. She has black hair with a few grey streaks and it would take a complete idiot not to see the resemblance to Harry. When the door opened her face seemed blank, tired. It still looks tired, but there's also a look on her face I cant quite read. Harry looks and probably feels just as in shock as her. It's almost as if he didn't really realize he was going to actually see his mother. 

After a minute or so she abruptly pulls him into a hug, and of course, starts crying. I feel a bit uncomfortable standing here, not being selfish, I'm just saying. Harry gives into his mothers embrace and from the looks of it they may never pull away. My hearts breaking and now I'm starting to regret coming, but I think Harry maybe needed me there with him. 

They eventually pull away from each other, and Harry's mum (Anne, I think I remember Niall saying) rubs her thumb over Harry's cheek, wiping away a tear that was there. Harry looks pained but happy...maybe just cause he's seeing her after however long. 

I may as well be juggling and playing the tuba right now, I've really gone unnoticed. 

"How are you," Anne breathes out, finally saying something. 

"I'm okay," Harry says to match her tone. Quiet, sad and tired. "Mom, this is Louis." She shifts her gaze over to me and her blue eyes meet mine. I freeze a bit and then remember to extend my hand. I give a slight nod with a smile, and probably the worst hand shake ever. I haven't been this nervous in a while, really. 

"I'm Anne, it's nice to meet you, Louis. Come in, I'll put on the kettle."

##

It took Harry about an hour to finally ease up, so that means it took me about two hours and lots of Baileys in my hot cocoa to do the same. I felt a bit shy and intimidated. Don't get me wrong, Anne is a lovely woman really, I can see where Harry gets his kind heart from. She gave us drinks when we first stepped in. I sat right next to Harry on the couch and Anne sat in a chair facing across from us. We sat like that at first, in silence. God bless the cat that came around and gave me a distraction and Harry an ice breaker. 

"She's getting big," he comments. The cat rubs up against Harry's leg and her tail brushes me. 

"Yeah, she is. I'm tempted to get another one. I kind of miss having a baby kitten. She's too grown up now."

"Well hey! Louis got us a kitty the other day, his names Benji. He looks just like Dusty. He's a cute little thing."

Anne smiles but then it seems as if what Harry said really just registered and made a few clicks in her brain. She subtly raises her eyebrows and says "Oh?"

"Yeah," I manage to speak up. "Harry likes cats so I figured I'd get him one."   
I feel like I am on fire. 

"Oh."

"Is there something wrong?" Harry asks, but not really in a caring tone. More questioning than anything. 

"No, no no. That's sweet of you Louis."

Silence again. I sip my hot chocolate wishing it was just straight Baileys. Or something even stronger. 

"So are you two..." Anne asks and waves her hand at us as if she was scared finishing the sentence would maybe be offensive. I don't know. I look over to Harry who's brows are furrowed and he seems angry almost. His hand finds mine and he grips it. 

"Yes, Louis and I are together. Is there something wrong?" He says the last bit almost sarcastically, and I'm honestly very surprised Harry was capable of talking to anyone that way. Especially his mother. She takes a moment, then raises her hands as if in surrender. "Nothing's wrong, nothing at all."

I mean, despite that, the visit wasn't bad. I think Harry decided to drop it and put it aside and continue to try and catch up with Anne. He managed not to make me feel too awkward or left out, bless his soul. We were all warmed up and at this point Anne started making lunch. We couldn't stay for dinner so she insisted on lunch. 

After we ate, we sat down again to talk. This time Harry suggested cards, so we're sat around the coffee table playing rounds of crazy eights. 

"How's Gemma?" Harry asks, much to my shock. I mean, the three of us kinda knew that was basically the point of this journey, but I wasn't really expecting him to say anything just yet. 

"She's doing okay. The father took the kids to visit her today. She's progressing fairly well. Pick up two, Louis."

I blink and try to focus again, blindly picking up two cards from the pile. Someone better start playing hearts or I'll be screwed. 

"The kids must be getting big."

"They're starting school next September. You should really visit your niece and nephew, Harry."

"I've tried, god knows I've tried. You know what Gemma is like. It's a miracle I even knew she had kids." Harry sounds tired and just. Done. 

"When I have them over, you can come down and spend the weekend. You can visit too, if you'd like, Louis."

Again, I was caught off guard. I smile and thank her for the offer, and I look over to Harry, and he's just giving me that look. The "you're the cutest thing ever and I enjoy watching you squirm" look. I get it way too often for comfort. It's not right when your own boyfriend gets joy from some of your embarrassment and awkward sufferings. 

My phone buzzes in my pocket after I play my turn at cards. I pull out my phone to see a text from Liam. There's a photo of him in a Santa hat and a cheesy, ugly Christmas sweater. Zayn is beside him in an even worse sweater, but he somehow manages to still look good. He's holding a bottle of egg nog and knowing them, it's probably already empty. 

wish u could be here, we could've been the amazing ugly sweater trio !! xx

I snort and reply;

catchy name, payne. don't get drunk and stumble under the mistletoe with the wrong person (Zayn) or I'll have your balls ! x

Liam's probably gonna kill me for the last one, but him and Zayn have an interesting relationship sometimes. I feel bad for Danielle, she's usually the third wheel with her own damn boyfriend. I'm missing the Christmas party those three put together every year, but I'd rather be here with Harry. Plus, Niall says that the New Years party is pretty legendary, and he seems like he knows what he's talking about. So I'm okay with missing out back home. 

##

Anne says goodbye and hands Harry the number to where Gemma is staying. She hugs him and I think I hear her telling him to come back soon, and the way Harry looks seems as if he's torn. I still don't know what happened but I kind of hate it. I hate the fact that Harry isn't always okay. I mean, I know nobody will ever always be okay... But Harry deserves happiness and he's not reached it yet. I'll be there to help him reach it, though. Harry will be happy, and then so will I.


	14. December 26, Monday

Even though it's holiday, Monday morning is still shitty. Niall took us out to a pub last night and let's just say aspirin isn't much help right now. Harry is still knocked out but my head hurts too much to sleep. I think I'm still drunk. Ugh. 

I think today is just a day to relax, although I wouldn't mind checking out New Jersey. Since I moved to the colonies, I haven't visited anywhere else but New York. Sad? Maybe. But I'm also only 22 so I can't afford to travel many places and still manage to have a roof over my head. I'd travel the world with Harry if I could, but as long as I'm with him, location doesn't matter much. 

God, Harry's turned me into such a cheese ball. I was never like this, I swear. It's Harry and his stupid poetry and stupid hipster folk indie grunge music... But he has this outlook on everything that just makes it so... Alive. Everything to him has it's own world and meaning and it's interesting, really. I'm glad he's around to open my eyes to the small things. I appreciate him. 

I also appreciate the fact he's finally woken up, so I can push and poke him to my hearts content. 

"Hazza! Morning, baby!" I say excitedly as I push his arm. He smiles but groans, turning back to his other side. 

"Noo, come back! Where are you going, I want cuddles!"

"I'm not going near you till we both brush our teeth. Drunk morning breath is worse than normal morning breath," he says groggily and oh my heavens he needs to narrate a documentary about puppies in his morning voice because damn. 

He has a fair point, but neither of us make an effort to get out of bed and brush our teeth. We actually end up falling back asleep, spooning loosely as we do. 

##

Like I said, Niall is a simple man. He's laid back and loud and friendly, but still very mysterious. It's scary almost. But I like Niall, he laughs at my jokes. Harry laughs at my jokes too, but Niall's laugh is one of the best things I've ever heard, and it's a good laugh in itself watching him crack up. 

He works at a high school as a TA for music and drama classes, he says he has a knack for some of the artsy stuff. "I taught Harry everything he knows about guitar." Which makes sense, actually. He's much better than Harry but really I'm not one to talk. Oh well. 

Niall suggested we check out a few of his favorite spots, so we hopped on the train and went around Hoboken for the morning. Of course, we had to check out Carlo's bakery. That's another one off my bucket list. We walk around a few parks and shops and New Jersey isn't a bad place. The people are interesting and to be honest, it's basically New York. But don't tell anyone I said that. 

##

"Boo, I just wanna get this all over and done with today, so I don't have to worry about anything by New Years. I saw mom yesterday, so if I see Gemma tonight, it'll be just like ripping the band aid thing off. The sooner the better, no?" 

Harry is lying out on the floor in the living room, aimlessly waving around the wii controller yet still managing to get all the dance moves. God knows how this boy is even existing. 

"I get what you mean," I say. "It makes a lot of sense, yeah. Yeah okay we should see her today. Once Niall comes back we can all go?"

"Awesome, yes that's great. You're the best, Louis." Harry sits up and grabs onto my leg and seriously I'm in love with a toddler. I try shaking him off because I want to win at this song but he only holds on tighter. "Quit it," I say through laughter. 

Harry decides not to listen to me because really, that's never an option for him. Instead, he begins kissing my thigh, right on the spot where I'm most ticklish. 

"Harry stop!" But he doesn't stop, he's managed to get me to fall backwards onto the couch. He slips up between my legs, rubbing my thighs slowly and gently. I've totally given up on trying to stop him. Satisfaction kept playing on in the background, fittingly so. 

Harry reaches up to kiss me, long and hard, taking away everything I had in me. His hands find their way to my belt buckle and as he presses kisses to my jaw and neck, he slowly udoes my pants. The kisses become more urgent and I feel my pants getting tighter. Harry smirks a wicked smirk and I run my fingers through his soft hair as his head shoots down, Satisfaction still ringing on. 

## 

We were alone for one more hour before Niall walked in, thankfully we weren't doing anything too risky because if he caught us...let's just say I only just met him and he likes me, and I'd like to keep it that way. 

So it turns out Niall had visited Gemma before, I guess those two are close. He was explaining the whole situation to Harry on our way over to the recovery center. Basically, one day at work, a coworker found her doubled over in the bathroom stall, called for help and they took her to a hospital. She had overdosed on a very bad mix of drugs, and if they found her any later she could've died. 

So, kudos to the coworker, I guess? Harry seemed very thankful when he saw her, she was leaving the hospital as we were coming in. He stopped to talk to her and before she walked away he gave the coworker a tight hug. When he walked back over to us in the elevator, there were already tears in his eyes and I was just not ready. Louis and emotions? No no. Louis see Harry emotional? Hell no. Nuh uh. 

I hold Harry's hand loosely as we listen to Niall further explain the situation, walking down the hospital hallway to her room. I hate the smell of hospitals, it reminds me too much of my childhood. Falling and cutting and bruising myself wasn't technically a pass time but I found a way to make it one. I used to get teased because I was probably at the hospital more than I was at school but that's beside the point. 

We get off at the floor Gemma is on and walk to her room, Harry prepping himself to enter. I can tell he's trying not to be nervous; he's probably running off of whatever adrenaline he's got left over from yesterday's visit with Anne but I have a feeling he'll crash eventually. We knock on the door and enter, and on the hospital bed is a thin, blonde woman on her phone, and when her head snaps up her eyes widen. I can tell she probably wanted to get out of bed to hug Harry but she was weak, very weak. Harry walks around the side of the bed and pulls his sister into a tight hug, letting out a sigh he was probably holding in for a while. 

"Gemma," he breathes out in disbelief once he pulls away from the hug. He looks her over once, taking in her current state. He puts his hand over his mouth and before I see anything else, I feel Niall tugging my arm and pulling me gently out of the room. He gives a quick nod to Gemma and she blinks, then we leave the two. 

"They should have some time alone, we're just here for support," Niall explains.

"Makes sense." And it does, why would I be in the room too? I don't know her, and it's different from meeting Harry's mom. He needs time alone with his sister and Niall and I are simply emotional support. It makes sense. I drag my back down the wall and sit down, forgetting for a moment this is a germ infested hospital but I'm already sitting down so I'm not ready to get up just yet. Niall paces a bit in front of me but I'm kind of dozing off, I feel less stressed but now the tiredness is finding it's way to me. 

"Wanna grab something quickly and hang out at the caf? I'll just text H and he can meet us there when he's done."

##

Two and a half hours pass and Niall and I are still in the hospital cafeteria. I'm sure visitation hours are done. Harry is still with Gemma upstairs, and god knows what they could be talking about for so long. I just hope he's okay, and isn't too harsh on himself or anything. From what I've heard from Niall and Harry, Gemma seems alright but I guess over the years things have changed and not for the better. Over this time, though, Niall and I really got a chance to talk and I learned a lot. 

Niall and Harry have been friends since they were in the womb. Womb buddies. They basically grew up together in New York but around high school and college their lives got busy, Niall got a job in New Jersey but they've still kept in touch. Niall is the coolest person I've met by far; he's got hilarious stories to tell and he's down to earth, and I like that about him. I can tell that whenever Harry was stressed Niall was always there to sort things out and keep him grounded. Which, apparently, happened two years ago. Harry had a rough patch and Niall was the only one there. It was messy and he choked up talking about it so I didn't inquire a lot. 

But other than that, he likes football, music, partying and he also strangely is interested in Greek mythology. I didn't see that coming but when he gave me a detailed list of reasons why Zeus is an asshole, I got it. 

Once it hit the three hour mark, a floppy head of curls made it's way over and Harry sat down with us. 

"How is she?" Niall asked. 

"She's doing alright... Said this was an eye opener, so fingers crossed she means it this time." And that was all Harry had to say about that. We ended up leaving and buying real food, then going back to Niall's place because it was getting late. I was really curious as to what was going on but I didn't feel like asking too much and Harry didn't want to talk. So when he cried later that night when he thought I was sleeping I tried to ignore it but I ended up holding him tight instead. It broke my heart and I know he didn't want to wake me up, but I couldn't leave him like that. I held him and played with his hair till he fell asleep, muttering my name.


	15. December 29, Thursday

The year is basically done, and like every year for about the past 10 years, I've accomplished nothing. Neither has Harry, or Niall. Or even the bar tender, Riley, who joined us at the booth on his break. He said he's seen Niall around a few times so the blond decided to invite him over. We sat with onion rings and fries and beer, talking about everything and nothing. 

"When I was twelve I got in a fight with three girls, and they all beat me. Since then, I've had a deep respect for the female population," Niall offers. To be honest, I'm not surprised. I think it humbled him. 

"Last year, I went on a camping trip with my buddies and two of us momentarily got our dicks caught on fire." Harry, Niall and I all looked at each other and burst into laughter, shaking the booth and attracting some attention. Riley was not impressed, but it was the least of our concerns. He got his junk up in flames and if that's not the best thing ever, I don't know what is. He eventually gave in and started laughing, "It happened all so fast," and then we really were just gone. 

Once we settled down and regained our senses, Riley came back with another round of beers and Harry took a turn after popping open his bottle. I leaned into his side and he put his arm around my shoulder, and I felt good. Warm, fuzzy, excited and good. 

"I was nine, and nothing good ever happens at age nine. I felt like I had one good year of single digit-ness left so I had to make the best of it. I needed to do something crazy and rebellious. So, I went to school one day with my hair in two pony tails and one of my sisters dresses. Teachers thought of it as a joke, until I came the next day in a skirt and red lipstick...and then the whole week dressed in various girly outfits. God knows how or who let it go on but it did. For a week I was Harriet and not gonna lie, I embraced and worked it."

Harriet. Oh he's never going to let this die. And we make sure of that. It was a good laugh and Niall just had to give Harry props for it. 

"Last but not least," Niall drums his hands on the table followed by him shooting finger guns at me. "The Tommo!"

"Gotcha, lemme think," I chuckled. I really had a lot of stupid (mostly drunk) stories. Most of them being back home with Stan but a lot of them actually took place here with Liam. Oh! Which gives me a beautiful memory.   
"Alright, I've got one for you. One night, my mate Liam and I were drunk and decided it would be a good idea to run into a Walmart."

"Boorringg," Harry booed, earning himself an elbow in his side. I told him to let me finish and he raised his hands in surrender. 

"As I was saying, we ran into a Walmart. We also caused hell. We hid walkie talkies behind Barbie dolls and made them say things as people walked by. We would run through couples arms if they were holding hands shouting 'RED ROVER RED ROVER'. We went into a change room and then walked out, complaining dramatically about the lack of toilet paper. Sang over the intercom at any empty cash registers. And my personal favorite; Liam found an older gentleman and tried his best to channel his inner five year old. He went up to the man, and shouted 'Grandpa! I thought you died!'" I was in tears just remembering the expression on the old mans face and we were all laughing, loud and rumbling howls that only meant nostalgic late nights. 

The stories continued on all night, but the more beer we had the deeper they got, and our laughter was less and less. Stories about broken homes and abusive family and even bullies, but we told them with a sad, drunk smile on our faces anyways. I think it's because it's funny looking back at it, and then looking at our life now. And really as much as we'd like to say we're over it, we never really are. As Harry said, "it comes back to bite you in the butt." Which reminds me to text Lottie happy Christmas/New Years and that I'll give mum a call tomorrow. 

##

Riley thought we were cool enough for him to cover our tab, so Riley is the real winner here. He's a cool guy and I really like him. I make sure to get his number before we leave. 

Niall, Harry and I hop into a cab and make our way back to Niall's. Harry has his side cuddled into mine on the whole way back, and I hold him, apologizing to Niall for having to be a third wheel. "You fuckers are tolerable," is all he says before looking out the window and then drifting in and out of sleep. None of us say anything to each other, but there's a feeling of ease and contentment between us all. 

Once we get home we don't bother with showering because tomorrow we can sleep in and do that later. Right now I just want to fall asleep to the sound of Harry's heart beat and his late night sleeping murmurs. (He murmurs in his sleep). I aimlessly twirl my fingers in his hair and hum a random tune as I wait for him to fall asleep. For some reason, all of a sudden I can't find the need to fall asleep just yet, even though I'm tired as hell. 

"Everything okay, boo?" Harry mumbles with one eye open. I smile and nod as I look down at his sleepy face, tired eyes and messy hair. He gives a small smile and kisses my elbow, then goes back to his easy task of falling asleep. I grin like an idiot, because this idiot is all mine. And honestly I can't wait go get him home because it would feel awkward christening Niall's apartment; I'm sure he's done that himself and doesn't need further actions taking place. Anyways. 

Man, it's late and I'm drunk and I don't know what I'm saying but I'm happy Harry is here and finally okay and now we can focus on each other and our life together. Cliché, I know. But it's Harry. And it seemed like it was fast, Riley even agreed. But he said he thinks we can make it all work. 

And boy, do I hope he's right.


	16. December 31, Saturday

When I was younger, Friends was obviously one of my favorite shows. One year, my best mates pitched in and got me the complete box set when they saw how torn I was when it ended. I cherish it very much and I'm not even embarrassed to say I know almost every episode word for word. When I moved to New York I had a very bad bout of loneliness and that box set got me through some hard times. Pathetic, I know. But I don't care. 

My favorite characters were Joey, Chandler, and Phoebe because I felt they were often paid less attention to. I mean, every character gave their important dynamic to the show, but those three really carried it. I learned a lot from Chandler, especially. His sense of humor and his comebacks were drier than the Sahara desert and I loved it. I can honestly say, I learned from the best. I loved Joey too, he was super easy going. He was always cool and laid back, even when faced with drama and he honestly described the ideal best friend. 

Niall Horan is my Joey Tribiani. 

It's amazing how similar they are. Niall is obviously brighter, but when it comes to everything else, they are one. I came to this conclusion when I woke up this morning and walked out into the living room of Niall's flat. Harry was still sleeping, so I figured I'd see what Niall was up to. I walked out of the bedroom and saw Niall lounging around in his lazy boy, with a beautifully crafted sandwich in hand. He looked at me and said, "Louis! Good, you're awake. Could you hand me the remote please? I've been watching infomercials for a good 15 minutes but I was too lazy to get the remote."

I was a bit confused, seeing as I had just woken up, but when I looked to my left, the remote was sitting on a side table. A good 6 feet away from Niall, and less than a foot away from me. What he said hadn't registered just yet, so I picked up the remote and handed it to him but it wasn't until I made my way to the kitchen had I burst out in laughter. 

"What?" He asked, sounding disappointed. 

"Nothing, Joey. Nothing at all," I simply stated. He didn't seem phased at the name whatsoever, just shrugged and changed the channel. God bless Harry for having people like Niall in his life and sharing them with me. 

I can easily see the carefree blond getting along with Liam, and Zayn too probably. But lord knows how eventful yet disastrous it would be if we all were in one vicinity. I get goosebumps just thinking about it. 

Finally, my sleeping beauty wakes up and stumbles out of the guest bedroom. Niall and I were playing Mario Kart on his old 64 and for once I managed to get ahead. After I finished my lap, I looked up to see Harry standing in the doorway beside the tv, rubbing his sleepy eyes. 

"Morning, princess!" I said, probably a bit too bubbly for Harry right now. It's not even morning anymore. 

"Hiii," he moans tiredly. Honestly fuck him for being so cute and not sitting in my lap right now. 

"Will you two quit the early morning eye sex or will I have to bring you...eye condoms?" Niall pipes up. 

"Condoms? For the eyes?" Harry questions, cocking his head sideways. 

"I think those are glasses," I comment. 

"No, Lou. Contacts, there's more of a touchy feely sensation with those," Harry expresses thoughtfully and Niall just groans, tossing a pillow at my boyfriend. We laugh and laugh and Niall loves us, he has to. 

Harry walks over and throws his half naked self onto the floor in front of us. He's wearing my flannel pajama pants and although he's drowning in them at the waist, they still come up short around his ankles. When it comes to sharing clothes with Harry and getting the perfect fit, it's always so close yet still so far. Very cute, though. 

"What's the plan for today, dude?" Harry directs his question to Niall, who is far too engaged in the tv screen. He always does this, tries his best to ignore Harry and I but really, it's not gonna happen. 

"Oh," he says when he realizes the silence awaiting his answer. "Gray wanted me to help out with the party, so you guys can stay here and then make your way over later tonight, or come with me. You don't have to help, it's mostly music and sound stuff."

"What do you wanna do, Lou?" 

"I don't know, what do you wanna do?" I eventually say. Niall mocks in a high pitch voice and waving his arms around, "Oh, I don't know! What d'you wanna do!? Oh, it's up to you! What'd you wanna do!" And before he can continue further I'm stuffing a pillow in his face. 

"You were saying, Harold?" 

Harry laughs and I move the pillow away from a very unimpressed Niall. He gets up, I think to make another sandwhich. 

"It really doesn't matter. I think you'd like to meet Gray, though. He's a cool guy, or bloke, as you'd say. Right?" 

"I'm not sure if I should think you mocked me and be insulted, or if I should be impressed you're even trying."

##

The party starts at 6 and we head over at 4:30 to set up. Niall also brought a case of beer and it was the first thing Gray saw when he opened the door. And let me say, I have never seen someone's eyes light up like his did. Which is cool, because his eyes are actually gray. 

"God bless your beautiful soul, Niall," was his greeting, followed by a sloppy kiss on both his cheeks. 

"Good to see you too, Gray. You remember Harry?"

"Hello," Harry chimes as he gives Gray a hand shake and pulls him into a hug. "This is my boyfriend, Louis. He's going to crash your party with me whether you mind it or not," he says with a smile and I love it. 

"Hey, Louis. I'm Gray. It's good to see you're keeping Curly here in line. You're doing our country a good deed," he fakes a weak solute and then shakes my hand. And really I don't know what to say so I just smile and subtly hide behind Harry as we walk into the house. 

Gray has a very nice loft; decorated with random knick knacks and photos and a few pieces of sports memorabilia here and there. Very open concept. He seems like the typical guy but I wouldn't dare tell him that. 

"Thanks for coming over guys. Not gonna lie, I was just lazy to do most of this by myself." I can't blame him, really. The four of us go to work and take things down and set things up and maybe Harry pulls me into the bathroom and we fuck on the counter, but really there's nothing wrong with that. 

Eventually people literally fill the house; apparently Gray's house parties are seriously notorious. The music is great and the people are fun. Harry is elated and I feel good being by his side. We dance and kiss sloppily and dance more. I've never seen Harry in this environment but I think I adore him even more now. 

To think, I met Harry a month ago on the subway and now he's here with me, he's here with me, and i get to love and kiss him. It's great. Life is great. 

He's glowing and his hair is bouncing and he can't stop smiling. There's a literal sparkle in his eye and when he touches me, it's desperate and loving. When he kisses me it's intense and meaningful. It's perfect. 

## 

It's 11:15 and I've never been so excited for New Years. I'm all over the place and everyone is beautiful and life is good. I might've had a bit too much to drink, but. 

I lost Harry. I actually lost him. He left to get drinks about five minutes ago but he hasn't come back and I miss him by my side because I've always hated dancing by myself. I set off to look for him around the house but the house is more packed than a Walmart parking lot on Black Friday and it'll be a surprise if I even find a way home. 

I'm looking around when I feel two hands firmly grip my shoulders and turn me around. I'm wide eyed and facing Harry who is equally as wide eyed, a dopey grin creeping up on his face. A grin I haven't seen in a while, actually. 

"Where have you been, Styles? Left me all by my lonesome and shit."

"'M sorry, babe. But you'll never believe who I ran into!" Harry's eyes crinkle and he grabs my hand to pull me with him. We don't walk very far when we run into three familiar faces, two newer than the other. Niall, Liam and Zayn were standing and talking. Once they saw me and my shocked expression they pulled me into a big bear hug. 

"How did you guys get here?" I asked, still shocked. 

"We took my car," Zayn shrugged. Honestly, I don't even know what Zayn is because that was obviously not my question. I gave him a glare and he stepped back, raising his hands in surrender. 

"Harry gave us a shout and we weren't doing anything so we figured why not make the trip out and party a bit?" Liam said, being the only sensible one. God knows why Zayn and Liam are always somehow together, they're basically attached at the hip. 

"Harry introduced me to them," Niall interjected. "in case you were wondering. They're cool."

What did I say earlier? About the five of us being together? It's a damn good thing we aren't in a smaller setting because I see things quickly getting crazy. But I'm happy the boys made it and as a token of my appreciation I grab Harry's cheeks and kiss the life out of him. 

"What's that for?" He mumbled, smiling from ear to ear. 

"To get you excited for what's about to happen in twenty minutes," I wink and we all get our drinks and dance and dance and dance. 

It's now 11:57 and I can't wait any longer. I mean, it's just another day but Harry will be my first New Years kiss who actually means something to me. I haven't let go of his hand for ten minutes and he hasn't stopped smiling for eight. And I think all the couples feel the same because the environment is still hyped but there's a small hint of love in the air or maybe it's just Harry and I but I don't care because they started counting down, and my heart is beating faster than ever. 

"10," I sigh out eagerly. I love Harry. 

"9," Harry whispers in my ear. This may just be the best thing ever. 

"8," we say at the same time, squeezing each other's hands even tighter. 

"7," I never believed in luck but I put so much hope into this one number. 

"6," I know that Harry loves me. 

"5," it's all getting louder and I can hear the other three boys counting down. 

"4," Harry starts giggling and I feel sixteen years old. 

"3," this will all be a blur. I take a quick shot. 

"2," I'm ready but I'm not. 

"1."


	17. January 1, Sunday

"HAPPY NEW YEARS!" A mass crowd of people shout, and I don't remember if I screamed it too, but I felt two large hands roughly caress my cheeks and Harry's lips crashed onto mine. I was expecting it yet it still took me by surprise, but once we got our lips in sync I didn't want to let go. Harry was right in front of me but I couldn't stop thinking about him as if he were away, his long locks and his tight jeans and his unconventional t shirts that always seem to have a complementary sweater. I thought about how he hates when I tug at his towel after his shower but he'll walk around naked with no shame. But I also remembered that if I hadn't been late that one morning, I would've never met this special boy; I wouldn't be here with him, I wouldn't even be here and most importantly I wouldn't be happy. 

I tell Harry I'm glad I met him and he calls me a sap, but confesses he remembers the exact date. 

"November twenty third," he says with a grin. "Wednesday, to be exact."

"Imagine how creepy that would've been if things didn't work out," I wink and he tries to push me but I pull him tight and kiss him hard, forgetting the swarm of people who are probably doing the same thing around us. 

##

There's no point in explaining the following events of the party, but I really don't remember my hickeys being formed into a heart. Of course they would be, though. I'm dating Harry. 

Zayn and Liam crashed at Niall's too, so it was like a giant sleepover I guess. I learned Zayn isn't too bad after a few drinks but the next morning he pointed out to me that Niall doesn't have very thick walls, so he was demoted back to sober Zayn treatment. It's all love. 

We all were brought back down to reality over a somber breakfast together. It wasn't exactly somber, Harry was seated on my lap due to lack of chairs and I placed a good twenty Cheerios in Niall's hair without him noticing. It was just a sad last moment before we had to go back to the real world. After tomorrow we would have to return to work and dealing with people we hate. This happens every year but each time it does it feels heavier. Maybe it's just getting older. Yeah, it's probably that. 

Later in the afternoon we pack our stuff and head out, thank Niall for letting us invade and already make plans for next New Years. 

"I start charging the earlier you come over," Niall kids and pulls me into a hug. I laugh and pat him on the back, and when he pulls away he has a serious look on his face. He looks me dead in the eye and says something I will never forget. 

"He's strong. He's been strong and he will continue to be strong. But when it comes to you, he's like... He's like a delicate flower. Don't stomp on him. I know you won't, Lou, but just watch him. I've never seen two people so in love and you should cherish and protect that love. But it can also make someone very vulnerable. If I hear anything happens, I will find your ass and kick it, you feel me?"

And it was in that moment I understood how much I really loved Harry, all because Niall laid it all out for me. He was right, and I believed he would kill me if I hurt Harry. I gulped and nodded, and the blond just smiled and gave me an extra pat on my shoulder. 

We all said goodbye again and hopped into Zayn's car, on our way back to New York. Harry fell asleep in the car and I had him wrapped up in my side, and Liam cooed at us from the front seat, so I threw a water bottle at him to shut him up. 

I held Haz tighter and kissed his forehead, finally feeling content. I feel like I was a grumpy old man whose found a puppy dog that brought him joy. I mean, Haz isn't a puppy and I'm not an old man, but my point is made. 

I'm happy, I'm finally content. 

##

"Benji!!!!!" Harry drops his bags at the door and runs to greet the kitten. Benji meowed and willingly accepted the warm greeting.

My cousin Axel stepped back, looking at Harry with wide eyes. "Hello to you, too," she says sarcastically and walks over to me. 

"You would think he's never seen a kitten before," she says and smiles. I drop my bags down carefully and pull her into a hug. 

"Thanks for watching him, I owe you a beer." 

"Hell yeah you do, he pissed in a corner for two days," Axel raises her voice and dramatically points to the corner Benji pissed in. 

"Shhh," Harry whispered and covered Benji's ears. He stood up and has the kitten cuddled up against his chest and it's the cutest thing I've seen. "Don't listen to the mean things she's saying about you, I know you were a good boy."

Axel punches Harry's arm and he gives her his trademarked dopey smile, finally acknowledging her presence. She grabs her purse and walks over to the door on her way out. 

"Well it's been a blast, hanging with Benji. Maybe next time I'm over it'll be human company, yeah?" 

"For sure," I say calmly. "Thanks again, I'll give you a call later." 

"Thanks Axel!" Harry calls after her once she closes the door. 

I lock the door behind her, and turn around with my back against the cold metal, finally back in my own apartment. It's been like, four days, but I missed this place more than I should've. I sigh and Harry puts Benji down and walks over to me. 

"What's wrong, babe?" He asks with his hands on my arms. 

"Nothing," I state simply. 

"Are you sure? You've been quiet."

"Have I ever told you how much I love you?" The corners of Harry's mouth turn up but then quickly turn down again. 

"Yeah, you have, boo. Is something wrong though? You aren't sick are you? Oh my god Louis, are you dying?"

I chuckle lightly and cup Harry's cheek, and I feel him calm down a bit but there's still worry in his eyes. I lean in, and kiss him like it's the first times our lips met. The hundredth introduction. Harry eases into it and pulls me in closer, hands loosely around my waist and dropping to the low of my back. And suddenly I'm aware of everything, everything in my body and every emotion and every touch that Harry's brought, he's a part of me now. 

"Hey," Harry says breathily once he pulls away. "We have the apartment to ourselves..."

No more was needed to be said, and just like that, I was all over him and fell in love all over again. 

##

"There's work tomorrow."

"Yeah, yeah love, there is."

"I don't wanna go."

"Me either." I roll over and kiss Harry's temple, moving his long hair from his forehead. 

"Since when has your hair been this long?" I ask, because I just noticed. I'm a horrible boyfriend.

"I don't know, it just sorta, happened," Harry shrugged and pouted his lips like he does when he's unsure of something. 

"Okay," I say, and we eventually fall asleep the best way to do so, all tangled up in each other. I miss this


	18. January 2, Monday

And just like that, we're back to our normal lives. Harry is in my sweats, shirtless and eating cereal, while I'm in a rush looking for my favorite socks. Benji is on the floor fighting his toy monkey, the apartment is in an orderly mess, I stub my toe on the table, and things are all back to normal. 

"Since when are you so concerned about being in on time?" Harry asks with a mouth full of Cheerios. 

"Big boss, meeting," I say out of breath, limp-running from the kitchen to the bathroom. I still can't find the other damned sock. 

"You probably left it in the dryer," Harry points out, bless his soul, he knows me so damn well. I grab his face and give him a sloppy kiss on the cheek and finish getting ready.

Once I'm finally dressed and ready to eat though, it's Harry's turn to go and rush, except he doesn't really actually rush. He's never rushed, he's always laid back and chill. I mean, his job doesn't require suit and tie and briefcase so I guess that makes it easier. He just showers, puts clothes on and goes. 

"Ready to go, Lou?" Harry asks, banana in one hand and a sandwich in the other. He's stood ready by the door with his old duffel bag slung around his shoulder, beanie on with curls running away and he's even got his sunglasses hanging off the collar of his tee. When I tease him about wearing the sunglasses in winter he puts them on his face, and smugly says "the sun still shines in winter, you know." This is the Harry I met two months ago. This is the Harry that caught my heart. This is my Harry. 

"Ready," I say, and we make our way down to the train station. 

We walk out of the building and onto the busy streets of the city and I feel Harry's hand grasp mine. I can tell it's half love and half fear of being pushed away from my side. The day after New Years is always the worst. Walking through crowds without trying to lose someone is much harder than you'd think. 

We stroll to the coffee shop and then to the train station, push our way past others and onto our train. There was one seat left so Harry insisted I take it, but it was just for him to use my lap as a place for his duffel bag. 

"I love youuuu," he mocks when I roll my eyes at him. He tilts my chin up so I'm looking at him directly. 

"I do, I mean it," and his voice is low and genuine.

"Me too," I say, a mile long smile plastered across my face. Harry returns the expression and then ruffles my hair. 

"Hey! Stop! I spent a good ten minutes on that!" I have to smack his hand away at least twice before he actually stops. 

"Oh boo you," he mocks, "who are you trying to impress anyways, huh? Am I not enough?"

My cheeks get warm and I feel my eyes go wide. I stutter in trying to tell him I'm not trying to impress anyone, but he breaks out into a wicked grin and winks and I turn into putty. 

"Sure babe, whatever you say."

We reach Harry's stop and he leans in to kiss me goodbye, I tell him I love him and to have a good day and he reminds me to laugh at the cheesy jokes the big bosses make. I watch him get off and sink into my seat, releasing a sigh that means nothing else but bliss. 

##

"Should we do something?"

"Yeah, poke at him."

"Tomlinson!"

"Lou?"

I hear Zayn and Liam's voices but I don't wanna. I shoo them away lazily. 

"Wake up!!!"

I open my eyes slightly and slowly lift my head up. I feel groggy and grumpy but the two of them are staring straight down at me and I guess I have no choice but to get up. 

"What d'you want," I mumble.

"The office is closing, Lou, we gotta lock up. It's almost six," Zayn sounds too worried for my liking. 

Fucking shit. I'm gonna miss my train. 

"Thanks!" I jump up and start scrambling to get all my shit together and leave to the station as fast as possible. I run out, and Zayn calls after me to ask if I want a ride but I ignore him and leave. 

I'm sprinting down the road and probably pushing people left right and center but I don't care, I'd hate to miss my train. 

I gotta see him. 

##

I made it, barely, but I still made it. 

I'm out of breath and a lot sweatier than I should be in this cold and my hair is a mess and just fuck. The things I do for this boy. 

I'm in a seat and looking up and down the train for him, praying he didn't get off earlier today. Maybe he's not even on this train, but I've got my fingers crossed. 

Eventually, I see the curly locks and the skinny jeans, and my heart starts racing. I watch him, carefully though so he doesn't notice me. 

He's beautiful, he really is. And we would look beautiful together. We would work. I can see it in my head, I see a life with him and being with him and kissing and dancing with him, maybe even getting a dog or something. I see us together and happy, and it's weird but he's so perfect. He's polite and shy and calm, I can tell just by the way he looks and acts. It's weird, I know, but I've seen him almost everyday for two months, and I can't help but give strangers back stories. His just happens to involve me. 

It's been two months, yet I still haven't grown the balls to say hi to him. Maybe today will be the day.


End file.
